in five years, i see myself five years older...

...don't get freaked out by the pure light within you
no, don't let it freak you out
just go with it
because if you don't go with it
it will just take you where it wants to be
which is cool too, if you have the time

-chris robinson

as i start to turn my gaze toward graduation in May, the questions are cropping up again. no longer am i free to flow into something (new place to live, new job, new program of study) because first i must flow out. and for some reason, this means i must know the direction of my flow. or so they say.

'where do you see yourself in 5 years?' and 'what are your career goals?' seem to come up every day, and its silly really. talking to a friend last night, he had a great answer, 'i have no plans to stay and i have no plans to leave.' having no plans is what it should be all about. because once you think you have it all figured out, you are just asking to be proven wrong. in any situation. plans, while some people need the security of knowing WHERE they are going, are mostly limiting. what if my friend had plans to leave and a month before doing so, he is faced with a great opportunity? likely he will not view the same opportunity in the same light because he's 'on his way out,' likely the opportunity may not have presented itself to begin with because he's been busy planning his exit and looking to the future, no longer cultivating the same friendships, community bonds, and work bonds, no longer rooting himself to this place.

And anyway, why and for what/who do you need a plan? I suppose if you are looking to make a real impact on the world, make some kind of change that matters, then yes you need a plan, but most of us are just trying to live. So for most of us, what does a plan give us besides a sense, albeit inflated, of importance, a sense of meaning to our lives. But when you get there, to this end point in your goal, do you feel fulfilled? Maybe but I bet its so short lived because it that is how you see the world, you are already onto the next goal, already thinking about the future, never there in the present really enjoying what in reality is all we have, the now.

and while i feel uprooted and in limbo lately, i know it just means i'm staying OPEN to all the possibilities.

its like relationships and marriage...they represent plans as well. plans for a future, plans to stay loyal to this person. once you are in that spot, do you go out as often and meet new people? lets say you do, even...do you approach the new people you meet with the same openness, curiosity, sense of 'what if' and possibility? most people do not. and so you've closed yourself off to possibility. and i'm not saying possibility of meeting another mate, although that IS there, but even just the possibility of an intimate friendship, a deep rewarding bond, but now instead, there are social conventions blocking you from getting to know that person on such a level because it may be perceived the wrong way by your mate, their mate, outside parties, etc. And you assume they have nothing much to offer you since you've already found that 'person for you.' we're so inhibited by our plans and our decisions that we *think* are carved out, set in stone. burn your carvings. throw that stone into the ocean and watch it change form.
stay open.

plans usually limit you because plans are made by you; creations of only what you can imagine, and while some may dare to dream, most of us live in the realm of practicality and likelihood because its safer. you can't imagine something greater, something outside yourself, you don't imagine there are others as enlightening as those people that you've met and know at that moment. and you plan on a narrow foundation. not planning allows you to be open to a wider scope of probabilities, to all those things you thought could never happen, but somehow do (usually right around or after the time you think you've got it all figured out).

there's a quote on my wall that says 'dwell in possibility' and it doesn't mean to always be wanting something else or always be thinking about the future. at least not to me, to me it says, be open, be aware, that it is possible for anything to change at any time, for new doors to open, for old doors you thought would never shut to now be locked, you just never know.

love,

aimless peacock

Ryan Holiday's food for thought...

"Here's the thing, I could make that all into some dramatic story - like it was this harrowing experience that stays with me - but to be frank, I have almost no recollection of that time...Narration conveniently ignores the day we laid around and watched tv and the week where we were sure we were going to quit but didn't. It's just not honest...We are wired to think a certain way - linearly, towards purpose, in terms of justification..I don't think it's a fight you can win on your own - it takes people on both sides, cynical and optimistic to keep you centered."


please click and read and THINK.

plan?

Plan:"A detailed proposal" for achievement, "decided on and arranged for in advance."

Both a noun and a verb.  To have a plan to plan.

Take an action to

Make an action.

Moving forward always.

For some its enough to have any plan.

For some it must be one of their own, 

not decided or influenced by their parents or significant other.

For others its too much to even think of a plan, let alone have one.

For me, purpose exists without plan.

Some of the best things in my life have happened to me

When things didn't go as planned

Or when there was no plan for it to happen

For some, plan exists without purpose.

For comfort, to have an answer when asked.

I need not answer to anyone but myself, this I know.

But right now, my self is asking, "What's your plan?"

My purposeless intentions

May need to be questioned

Will staying open

end up slamming doors?

"Once you attain a certain state, life gives you another goal.  The horizon goes on and on running in front of you, you never reach it, you are always on the way--always reaching, just reaching.  And if you understand that, then the whole tension of the mind disappears, because the tension is to seek a goal, to arrive somewhere...Life is not stagnant--it is flowing and flowing, and there is no other shore.  Once you understand this you start enjoying the journey itself.  Each step is a goal, and there is no goal...Then there is no tension because there is nowhere to go, so you cannot go astray."

-Osho

Selfish self discovery?

The article linked below is a good one about a topic close to my heart.

All we have in this life is ourselves. I was not put on this earth to have children, to make a husband happy, or to find the cure for cancer. (I couldn't believe it when someone accused me of being selfish when I said I did not want to have children later in life. I don't even HAVE the children yet...how is it selfish? I am NOT HAVING them in part so that my pursuits to know and better myself don't take away from their lives. But they aren't ALIVE yet...how could it be selfish if their is no one to be selfishly affecting?) While I am here, I owe it to myself to make the most of my time here, as do you. In doing so, I have been told that I've touched others to do the same in their own lives, find their purpose, travel, make their own mind up about the way they want to live their lives in a way they never gave themselves the option or chance to do before. So, you see, if we all take care of ourselves, truly getting in touch with real happiness, not materialistic happiness, not happiness through power and control, that positive energy will emanate out to improve the world.

But it all starts from within. And its not selfish. My recent read of Eat Pray Love really hits this home as well, a huge theme being, when you set out to help yourself, you end up helping others.

http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/is-self-discovery-a-selfish-act/

speechless...

...twice in one night...

Eat Pray Love quotes

"...it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection."
-reference to the Bhagavad Gita from "Eat, Pray, Love"

"To create a family with a spouse is one of the most fundamental ways a person can find continuity and meaning in American (or any) society. I rediscover this truth every time I go to a big reunion of my mother's family in Minnesota and I see how everyone is held so reassuringly in their positions over the years. First you are a child, then you are a teenager, then you are a young married person, then you are a parent, then you are retired, then you are a grandparent-at every stage you know who you are, you know what your duty is and you know where to sit at the reunion. You sit with the other children, or teenagers, or young parents, or retirees. Until at last you are sitting with the ninety-year-olds in the shade, watching over your progeny with satisfaction. Who are you? No problem-you're the person who created all this. The satisfaction of this knowledge is immediate, and moreover, it's universally recognized. How many people have I heard claim their children as the greatest accomplishment and comfort of their lives? It's the thing they can always lean on during a metaphysical crisis, or a moment of doubt about their relevancy-If I have done nothing else in this life, then at least I have raised my children well."
-Eat, Pray, Love

what if i lose happy

So its times like these when i hope no one really reads this. yes i know people do, but when my thoughts keep me awake, and there is no one in particular to talk to, writing here means the world is there listening to me, instead of just my computer or notebook of paper. and when i say world, i don't even mean all the particular individuals that compose the world. i mean it in the sense of mother earth, or simply the living breathing organism that is the internet, more just the collective rather than some sort of scary 'i hope someone, anyone reads this'...just the world as a whole...a personification.

i'm just wondering about happy. i am and have been for quite some time now. i think, somewhat irrationally perhaps but at 4am nothing is clearly definable by reason, that i've credited happiness with all of the good things that have happened to me in this time. and we all know that you are a better person to those in your life when you are happy. less likely to argue, get irritated, take things personally, let things bottle up, even take things in TO bottle up. so chicken or egg here. i always thought it was very neat that you are less likely to have problems if you are happy. but maybe, like those unhappy people always told me, they would be happier if they had less problems. and these problems are in our head half the time. for me to be happy, i need to feel healthy, fit, intellectually occupied, stimulated, and productive, be living my own schedule, be living a varied, never monotonous schedule, and have enough alone time. its starting to seem, and never did before, or maybe its just tonight and i'm making generalizations that i shouldn't, that this is a lot of work to maintain. a lot of these things could even be stricken from my control. when i thought it was easy, i scoffed at the unhappy people in my life...'don't they get it? if they just turned on what makes them happy, they wouldn't attract all this negativity or have to be so hard on the ones they love which is in turn making them unhappy.'

i clearly need a more 3D medium, a kind of tangible thought web to follow and organize these thoughts, but i'm also thinking here about where lies the real you. when you are happy and so less argumentative, less grouchy, isn't that just some kind of brain chemical prozac. is it really your reaction to the things people do to you and they way the treat you if your happiness makes you more likely to let things roll off your back? certainly when i'm unhappy, i noticed increased irritability that doesn't feel REAL. being very conscious of these things, i identify it as 'not me, just my bad mood.' but then couldn't the same be said for happy...'not me, just my good mood.' where then do you find your justice for what you really think is right and wrong in how people treat you; where is your guide for whether or not that thing is really making you angry, or whether your anger was simply looking for an outlet? i've always simply used the way i emotionally react as my gauge...people have said to me ' oh that SHOULD make you angry' and instead of becoming angry because most people would, i assess whether or not the thing really bothers me. but if its a little thing that changes depending on mood, where is the truth?

and what happens if i stop being as cool, flexible, laid back, low maintenance as a friend, optimistic?
do you stop attracting positivity or does it stop attracting you?
and who will be left of the fair weather friends?

...directionless part two...

"The American Dream is for immigrants. The rest of us are better acquainted with entitlement or boredom than we are with our own survival mechanisms. And when confronted with a fight-or-flight scenario, the latter usually takes precedence. Escape is our action of choice: escape through pharmaceuticals, escape through technology, and plain old running away in search of something else, anything else...

I continually revisit the words of some sociologist who I read in college. I think that is was Weber or Durkheim...He believed that the modern mind is determined to expand its repertoire or experiences, and is bent on avoiding any specialization that threatens to interrupt the search for alternatives and novelty. Many people would call that approach to life a crisis, immaturity, or being out of touch with reality. It could also be called the New American Dream. [Screw] the simple pursuit of financial stability. Here's to finding fulfillment in novelty, excitement, adventure, and autonomy."

-Do Travel Writers Go To Hell?, Thomas B Kohnstamm

directionless postcollegiate life

"...With such a character-defining foothold in the career world, I no longer have to make excuses for the life I lead. No longer do I have to explain my directionless postcollegiate life to incredulous eyes and repetitive questions, like: "What are you doing next year?" "Don't you want to do something with your life?" and my favorite, "When are you going to get a real job?" I am no longer just Thomas, the supposed slacker, backpacker bum, or permanent student. I am Thomas, the employee of ________, ________, ________ & _________ LLP, and I am going places.

I make more money than I reasonably should, putting papers into chronological order (chroning, in office-speak). My skill set also includes entering numbers into Excel spreadsheets and working the copier and fax machine. Between those projects, I search for old high school friends' names on Google; play online Jeopardy against my office trivia nemesis, Jerry; and generally while away the hours of my life...

Yes, I know, I really have it pretty good. There are people starving in Africa. And there are plenty of people here in New York who would love the chance to be in a cubicle all day and not have to operate deep-fat fryers, drive garbage trucks... or whatever it is they do. The problem is that I am an ungrateful by-product of a prosperous society -- the offal of opportunity. I am just another liberal arts graduate who bought the idea that life and career would be a fulfilling intellectual journey. Unfortunately, I am performing a glorified version of punching the time clock, and the financial rewards don't come anywhere near filling the emotional void of such diminished expectations."

-Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?, Thomas B Kohnstamm

which rung are you on?

When are you getting promoted? When are you getting married? When are you going to have babies?

When are people going to realize you can make your own path in life and you don't have to follow theirs? When are people going to realize there are more important and interesting things to talk about?

""What are you doing after graduation?"

"I'm so sick of that question." John said. "No one really cares what I'm doing after graduation. It's conversational masturbation. We spent the first two years asking each other what our major was and the last two years asking what we're doing after graduation. Why don't we ever talk about what we're really interested in?" Everyone sat in silence for a moment."

call us crazy idealists but...

what? education's purpose is to LEARN? really?

give it a shot

whether the cause be peace, the environment, educational reform, or supporting the losing candidate because you agree with his stance, you'll get more fulfillment out of being true to what you believe than being in the winner's circle.

giving up because you'll never see the fruits of your labor is rather selfish and more so, besides the point. if you really care about the cause, seeing your own actions make an impact should not really be a motivator.

if nothing else, you challenged, tried, cared, fought, and therefore, mattered.

motivational

This guys words really get inside me...

to quote the parts I like...
"The more I read the more I become convinced that life's only meaning from that which ascribe to it. That purpose exists only when your project and live it daily....
...Although I might not have reached true actualization, I am well on my way to warming up. Everyday I get up and I scratch a little at the walls that society sets up to prevent you from getting there. That my purpose is to be involved in the creation and furtherance of public discourse, so each book I read and word I write is the functioning of my soul. Happiness comes from action, and that action must be excellent...
...When we fail to tell people this, they lose life in the forest for all the trees--clutching with the vastness of it all, when what they need is tiny enough to hold. Some of us know this and are happy--and productive. Others know this and refuse to admit it, drowning the simplicity with alcohol or drugs....
...Excellence here becomes excellence there, and combined they equal the ultimate excellence: happiness. It seems to be logical, if happiness is that which we all aspire too, it must be the most excellent--and only through excellent action are we excellent....
...Read and read often. Act in moderation. Resist the pleasures and pains that distract you. Wake each morning prepared for exertion. Do not sleep or leave the gym until you have. Drench the ground in your sweat, fill the pages with words. The Resistance will dog you the entire way, pay it no attention. When you diverge from the path, look inwards and correct--dedicate a second to chastisement and move on. But most importantly, realize that not knowing your purpose is no excuse for stasis. Even if the destination has yet to reveal itself, you still must be ready for the call. Prepare, be active, and be open. Only then will you find happiness and contentment. I have had only a small taste, but I at least know it's worth every bit of effort."

(where was the last place you saw it, dude?)

The middle aged African man in the next room
is shouting and laughing jovially
Yelling, "Where is your faith?"
along with what I deduce to be
a radio broadcast of a religious rejoicing
(for three whole hours at least)

my faith and my trust
-never blind-
sit in the lap of change
and in the beauty of transience
trust in time's passing
faith...
in the moment
faith...
never blind
eyes wide only with love
belief only
in those things
unbelievable.

th!nk

"The writer William Faulkner once said, 'If I had to choose between pain and nothing, I would choose pain.' To the best of my knowledge, Faulkner was not a masochist. He didn't literally mean physical pain or deprivation, although he did suffer his share of these. He meant struggle over mind-numbing complacency and pleasure seeking. Faulkner knew that it was only in struggle, through confrontation of one's fears and life's difficulties, that a person became fully human, alive, and growing...
Research has shown that material comfort alone does not ensure happiness. Is-ness is not freedom or release or fulfillment, it just is. To be truly happy a person needs to be engaged, using his or her mind. To be really happy a person needs to feel he or she has accomplished something. Just one act of taking control can expand your moral and intellectual horizons and make you a better critical and creative thinker. It doesn't need to be 'intellectual.' It could be something as simple as riding a bike to the store instead of driving. It could be stopping for a beer at a biker bar. By doing something completely out of sync with what we identify as our 'character,' we stimulate thought and ideas, rediscover plans and goals...
When the primary pursuit in society becomes avoiding risk, seeking one's own, and keeping one's head down, life inevitably resolves itself into a comforting numbness. Out thoughts suffocate, the blood supply to our brains shrinks, as we grow fewer not more synapses. Once again, we aren't compelled to do anything. We can just sit here and collectively allow our brains to shrivel and let the next generation deal with the consequences. However, I invite the reader to consider the benefits of putting on a beanie, grabbing a kazoo, and setting off on a scootering excursion through the streets of his or her peaceful, comfortable neighborhood.
Metaphorically speaking, of course."

-Th!nk, Michael R LeGault

endless fun

deFUNitions

does a gypsy grow up?

Getting coffee this morning, i overheard a lady saying her husband was leaving her to see the world, leaving today with the Black Crowes. Turns out he is 'tech' and travels around with different bands on tour. This has resulted in their divorce. The discussion of freedom in relationships and long distance is for another post and another time, but it got me thinking again...
I wonder when and if it will ever happen, and i wonder what i'll do if it doesn't.
What i'm talking about is the idea of being settled in to a place or job. As it stands now, i'm so very excited about the idea that i don't yet know where my life will lead me. I have no definite plan or goal for it to be anywhere in particular in 3, 5, or 10 years, and i love the mystery. What scared me away greatly from my last relationship was the idea that i saw it all unfolding before me very tangibly and visibly, the marriage, the house, the job, the dogs, the kids even. And it would have been just fine, certainly nothing to objectionable for any normal person's life really, but i didn't like the idea that i knew, predictably, how things would go for years to come in my future. In addition, i was not ready to say at that point, and really am still not, that marriage and kids are for me. Keeping me afloat right now is that idea that i will soon sail away from this place and my job, with its disillusioning effects on my idealism, and start a new lifestyle in a new, unfamiliar place. I sauntered out of the gym after a work out last night, looked up at the damp sky and realized how freeing it felt to NOT know if and when i would be married, if and when i would have a house, if and when i would have children, if and when i would have a job with real responsibilities. Some might even consider me immature for this viewpoint, but i say to them, who says i have to live my life according to their timetable of "mature" stepping stones if i choose not to? I know and hold this to be true, but the fact remains that i'm likely to need and find a job that keeps me in one place for some extended period of time, no? Or maybe it will happen when i'm happy to stay in one place for an extended period of time and it will cause no dissonance. I still feel concerned, however, that just the simple IDEA of being in one place for too long will creep in and begin to erode the happiness i may have found. I consider myself to be happy in this place and job and still, if i saw myself here for any more than 4 years...the thought of that turns my stomach. Could it be just a phase? For now, this post being published is the extent and conclusion of my concern, as my 'unsettlement' thus far has brought me into my most authentic self yet, and i've never felt better.

cornerstone

For years I've had an internal debate and curiosity as to whether or not schools are "getting it right" when preparing the minds of the future. My concerns lie especially in the test-centered orientation of education in America, and how it could be stifling the student's long-term retention of knowledge.
In my undergraduate Consumer Behavior class, I learned the difference between recognition and recall in product branding. Advertising is obviously more effective when the consumer can recall the brand name, logo, or slogan without any prompting, as opposed to simply recognizing it when reminded in some way. I soon made the connection that this idea also applies to learning.
Around this same time, the business majors at my school were given a national standardized test of what we were supposed to have learned from our business curriculum. While taking this multiple-choice test, I realized there was a lot of material that I remembered learning about, but I could not come up with the answer. Many of the questions I was able to answer only because the answer was displayed in the options below the question. Had the question been open ended, I would not have been able to recall the correct information; I was only able to recognize it. This had to have been one of the most memorably disturbing and eye opening events in my life. I was one of the top students in the program and if I didn't have the knowledge, who did? My test scores ended up being well above average; what did that say about the rest of the people going on to careers in business?
Are we really retaining any knowledge when our testing methods only require recognition? I realized I wanted to study the effects of this on the formation of the brain and effectiveness of learning. For me, this was an exciting brainstorm and new idea that no one in my life had ever discussed with me. At the time, being that I had made this connection on my own, I thought I was onto something new and could make advances in educational research in the future. A few years later, I was enlightened to the fact that all of this has already been researched and studied. Here are quotes from an article I just read on FairTest.org that confirms my long time suspicions and theories. I still want to take it further and get into the actual effects that this type of test-centered learning has on formation of the brain, learning skills, cognition, etc, but for now, these ideas are a supportive start :

Some people claim that multiple-choice tests can be useful for measuring whether students can analyze material...this sort of question short-circuits the thinking process it claims to measure...choosing the wanted answer would be a matter of recall for many students. For students who did not recall the textbook response, no information is provided to actually analyze the question and come up with the wanted answer...A question really asking for critical thinking would have students weigh evidence and defend a position...

[A]s students move toward solving non-routine problems, analyzing, interpreting, and making mathematical arguments, multiple-choice questions are not useful...multiple-choice items are an inexpensive and efficient way to check on factual ("declarative") knowledge and routine procedures. However, they are not useful for assessing critical or higher order thinking in a subject, the ability to write, or the ability to apply knowledge or solve problems...
the test result is not useful for improving instruction for the individual.

A standardized multiple-choice test may point to some broad areas that need improvement...However, the tests do not provide information that will help teachers do a better job of teaching [x] because they do not show why the class generally did not do well...

Relying on multiple-choice tests as a primary method of assessment is educationally dangerous for many reasons: What is easily measurable may not be as important as what is not measurable or is more difficult to measure. A major danger with high stakes multiple-choice and short-answer tests -- tests that have a major impact on curriculum and instruction -- is that only things that are easily measured are taught.
When narrow tests define important learning, instruction often gets reduced to "drill and kill" - - lots of practice on questions that look just like the test. In this case, students often get no chance to read real books, to ask their own questions, to have discussions, to challenge texts, to conduct experiments, to write extended papers, to explore new ideas -- that is, to think about and really learn a subject.

The decision to use multiple-choice tests or include multiple-choice items in a test should be based on what the purpose of the test is and the uses that will be made of its results...Students should learn to think and apply knowledge. Facts and procedures are necessary for thinking, but schools should not be driven by multiple-choice testing into minimizing or eliminating thinking and problem-solving. Therefore, classroom assessments and standardized tests should not rely more than a small amount on multiple-choice or short-answer items.

Finding that this had already been extensively studied was initially disappointing to my hopes to make strides in research, but it now excites me to know there is still so much to learn.

Another important thing I learned from this experience: I really feel that it had such an impact on me because it was something I put together on my own, and this amazing feeling led me to realize how powerful it is when the student figures something out by him or herself. This has structured my philosophies on life as well as education going forward. As the author Osho says, "Your own truth, your own finding, is going to liberate you; nothing else can do that for you."

valentine love

People have it ALL wrong today:
I heard: "On Valentines Day people in relationships celebrate love, and single people celebrate independence"

in a good relationship...you celebrate both, and every day!!

I read: "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence"- HL Mencken

for me, Love is the culmination of both equally and the beauty of each enhancing the other in cyclical fashion!!!

you can do it too! advanced simplicty!

"Everyday Osho" indeed.

Osho's wisdom on some of the things in the discussion rotation as of late, some with which I agree, and some which pose further questions...

"Stay open to a change in your own learnings, beliefs, and knowledge:"
"Amateurs and Experts:
...It always happens that when you start new work, you are very creative, you are deeply involved, your whole being is in it. Then by and by, as you become acquainted with the territory, rather than being inventive and creative you start being repetitive. This is natural, because the more skilled you become in any work, the more repetitive you become...
So all great discoveries are made by amateurs, because a skilled person has too much at stake. If something new happens, what will happen to the old skill? The person has learned for years and now has become an expert. So experts never discover anything; they never go beyond the limit of their expertise...
Here is the lesson: It is good to attain skill, but it is not good to settle with it forever. Whenever the feeling arises in you that now the thing is looking stale, change it. Invent something, add something new, delete something old. Again be free from the pattern...again become an amateur. It needs courage and guts, to become an amateur again, but that's how life becomes beautiful."

~all i take from this is the importance of anti-stagnation, and the awareness that you never stop learning, and should never assume you've got it all figured out...
On a more literal level, I think it is unfortunately true that experts don't use their expertise to the full extent and to benefit most from it. Luckily, some always remain inventive, creative, and passionate by retaining their appreciation for attainment of knowledge and the everchanging property of information.

"Changing the World
You are your world, so when you change your attitude you change the very world in which you exist. We cannot change the world--that's what politicians have been trying to do down through the ages, and they have utterly failed...
The only way to change the world is to change your vision, and suddenly you will live in a different world."

~this speaks to both the conversations of having control over your misery if you change your perspective and priorities as well as it does the idea that changing the world happens through change in individual minds.

"The Unplanned Life
There is no planning in existence. An unplanned life has tremendous beauty, because there is always some surprise waiting in the future.
The future is not going to be a repetition; something new is always happening, and one can never take it for granted.
Secure people life a bourgeois life. A bourgeois life means getting up at seven-thirty, taking your breakfast at eight, at eight-thirty catching the train to the town, returning home at five-thirty, taking your tea, reading your newspaper, watching TV, having supper, making love to your partner without any love, and going to bed. Again the same thing starts the next day. Everything is settled, and there is no surprise: The future will be nothing but the past repeated again and again. Naturally there is no fear. You have done these things so many times that you have become skillful. You can do them again.
With the new comes fear, because one never knows whether one will be able to do it. One is doing always for the first time, so one is always shaky, uncertain about whether one is going to make it or not. But in that very thrill, in that adventure, is life-- aliveness, let us say, rather than life, because life has also become a dull and dead word-- aliveness, the flow."

"Failure
If you feel frustrated, it is because of the mental goal you have imposed on life. By the time you have reached your goal, life has left it; just a dead shell of the ideals and the goals remain, and you are frustrated again. The frustration is created by you.
Once you understand that life is never going to be confined to a goal, goal oriented, then you flow in all directions with no fear. Because there is no failure, there is no success either -- and then there is no frustration. Then each moment becomes a moment in itself; not that it is leading somewhere, not that it has to be used as a means to some end -- it has intrinsic value..."

~simply the idea that people set up plans and blueprints in their lives, and for what? to simply create unneeded self importance and likely, eventual frustration when these goals are not met. I'm sure someone has said to you "What's your five year plan?" "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Me personally? I may have some abstract vision of what it may be like, but stay detached from the outcome, because in all truthfulness, I don't know and don't WANT to know exactly how my life will play out. I'll figure it out when I get there, because I'm too busy enjoying today right now tout de suite!