so VERY significant

colorado

thanks to a fellow RRE listener who brought this song to my attention again, after listening to more than the music, i found love for the song in its lyrics...

colorado
on the rise through new elevations
new days begun
fuel the ride with anticipation
& sweet summer sun

down the rocks run the cool rushing waters
. . . movin’ along
memories of some sweet days
& some new ones comin’ on

colorado
summertime

fill the heart with new animation
be here again
fill the high with sweet celebration
rememberin’ when

down the rocks
run the cool rushing waters
singin’ a song

memories of some sweet days
& some new ones just begun

colorado
summertime
colorado
summertime

distraction reigns

fragmented
obscured
tangible post-have
like a poked hole in dry sand
quickly filling itself back in
reminded
yet again
of its flee
or fluctuation?
or finish??
but most of all
its fundamental
insignificance

Railroad Earth...

railroad earth
through this railroad earth
for whatever it's worth
singin' songs & stayin' high

& you know i'll be
where my heart feels free
& my thoughts are free to fly

oh mama, please don't make me lie
i need my freedom, need my open sky

in yer socks & shirt & yer bed of dirt
with the midnight moon on high
& you know i've been
where the midnight wind
makes the soul & spirit cry

oh mama, please don't ask me why
i need my freedom
i need my open sky

through this railroad earth
for whatever it's worth
gettin' ' long & gettin' by
& you know i miss
every single kiss
as the years go rollin' by

oh mama, aint it good to be alive
when you're mountain-top
& feelin' high

oh mama, aint it good to be alive
when you're down & rollin'
free to ride

oh mama, please don't make me lie

what if i lose happy

So its times like these when i hope no one really reads this. yes i know people do, but when my thoughts keep me awake, and there is no one in particular to talk to, writing here means the world is there listening to me, instead of just my computer or notebook of paper. and when i say world, i don't even mean all the particular individuals that compose the world. i mean it in the sense of mother earth, or simply the living breathing organism that is the internet, more just the collective rather than some sort of scary 'i hope someone, anyone reads this'...just the world as a whole...a personification.

i'm just wondering about happy. i am and have been for quite some time now. i think, somewhat irrationally perhaps but at 4am nothing is clearly definable by reason, that i've credited happiness with all of the good things that have happened to me in this time. and we all know that you are a better person to those in your life when you are happy. less likely to argue, get irritated, take things personally, let things bottle up, even take things in TO bottle up. so chicken or egg here. i always thought it was very neat that you are less likely to have problems if you are happy. but maybe, like those unhappy people always told me, they would be happier if they had less problems. and these problems are in our head half the time. for me to be happy, i need to feel healthy, fit, intellectually occupied, stimulated, and productive, be living my own schedule, be living a varied, never monotonous schedule, and have enough alone time. its starting to seem, and never did before, or maybe its just tonight and i'm making generalizations that i shouldn't, that this is a lot of work to maintain. a lot of these things could even be stricken from my control. when i thought it was easy, i scoffed at the unhappy people in my life...'don't they get it? if they just turned on what makes them happy, they wouldn't attract all this negativity or have to be so hard on the ones they love which is in turn making them unhappy.'

i clearly need a more 3D medium, a kind of tangible thought web to follow and organize these thoughts, but i'm also thinking here about where lies the real you. when you are happy and so less argumentative, less grouchy, isn't that just some kind of brain chemical prozac. is it really your reaction to the things people do to you and they way the treat you if your happiness makes you more likely to let things roll off your back? certainly when i'm unhappy, i noticed increased irritability that doesn't feel REAL. being very conscious of these things, i identify it as 'not me, just my bad mood.' but then couldn't the same be said for happy...'not me, just my good mood.' where then do you find your justice for what you really think is right and wrong in how people treat you; where is your guide for whether or not that thing is really making you angry, or whether your anger was simply looking for an outlet? i've always simply used the way i emotionally react as my gauge...people have said to me ' oh that SHOULD make you angry' and instead of becoming angry because most people would, i assess whether or not the thing really bothers me. but if its a little thing that changes depending on mood, where is the truth?

and what happens if i stop being as cool, flexible, laid back, low maintenance as a friend, optimistic?
do you stop attracting positivity or does it stop attracting you?
and who will be left of the fair weather friends?

insouciance in june

hushed
shrugged
preoccupied
prevail your ambivalence
avail nothing
opposing, for example, these record highs
storm free

cucumbric
pillow undersidish

heart beat unquickened
unintentionally rhythmic, naturally deep breaths
remember hermetics
remember without reminding
remind without remembering

sirens wail:
fires lit from lightning's strike
seemingly unceasingly
the storm must be circling the suburb
as thunders in
the change of season
take your cue instead
from the steady thick standing air
stoic, solid dispassionate atoms
composed not of apprehension or angst

Always Be Yourself.

"Always be yourself. Your loud, brave, unabashed, scandalous, original, exceptional, truly magnificent, self-lovin’, horn-tootin’, crowd-wavin’, kiss-blowin’ self.

Always be yourself. You may face criticism, dirty looks & gossip over the back fence, but at least you will have honoured yourself, done your best, been true & authentic.

Always be yourself. No one else shines like you — nor can they illuminate a room, thrill onlookers or shatter perceptions in the amazing way you do.

Always be yourself. Your life is yours alone, to do with as you please. Don’t feel that you have to serve other people; in the end, it is only you who matters.

Always be yourself. If you want to live the life of your dreams, you have to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for you. Get off your toosh, toots, & start!"

from: http://galadarling.com/article/quote-of-the-day-4th-june-2008

Right In Tune

New Railroad Earth album!!....you can listen to it here...good little song called "Right in Tune"...lyrics below...

i got no worries
i got no doubts
cuz i know we've got it all worked out
cuz you know your part and i know mine

and we're right in tune
me and you
we're right in tune

we got a straight line to each others hearts
we took the pieces and we made a part
we took a song and made it sing

we're right in tune
yes its true
we're right in tune

we've been up and down
we've been through it all
came through the summer
into the fall
came the winter
came the spring again

and we're right in tune
yes its true
we're right in tune
me and you
we're right in tune

little patience, little honey
it'll be ok
little patience, little honey
and we're on our way

now we know
we gotta break
when we're rolling
its a beautiful thing
get that baby soaring
on two strong wings

we're right in tune
me and you
we're right in tune

i got no worries
i got no doubts
cuz i know we can work it out

come what may
come what will
we'll be right in tune

little momma, i know you...

summer magic

"It made me think that everything was about to arrive-the moment when you know all and everything is decided forever."

-Jack Kerouac, On the Road

.what i decided forever was that nothing should be decided forever.