"ever gentle on my mind"

It's knowing that your door is always open and your path is free to walk

That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch

And it's knowing I'm not shackled by forgotten words and bonds

And the ink stains that have dried upon some line

That keeps you in the backroads by the rivers of my mem'ry

That keeps you ever gentle on my mind

It's not clinging to the rocks and ivy planted on their columns now that bind me

Or something that somebody said because they thought we fit together walking

It's just knowing that the world will not be cursing or forgiving

When I walk along some railroad track and find

That you're moving on the backroads by the rivers of my mem'ry

And for hours you're just gentle on my mind

Though the wheat fields and the clotheslines

And the junkyards and the highways come between us

And some other woman's crying to her mother cause she turned and I was gone

I still might run in silence, tears of joy might stain my face

And the summer sun might burn me till I'm blind

But not to where I cannot see you walking on the backroads

By the rivers flowing gentle on my mind

I dip my cup of of soup back from a gurgling, crackling cauldron in some train yard

My beard a roughened coal pile and a dirty hat pulled low across my face

Through cupped hands round a tin can I pretend to hold you to my breast and find

That you're wavin' from the backroads by the rivers of my mem'ry

Ever smiling, ever gentle on my mind

-Glen Campbell

more! more!

This image is from this photographer's site: http://www.chriscraymer.com/romance/
I want it never to end!

Weekend retreat in Edgewood

House sitting for Cari, Glenn, and Anni...

This is Jesse...

This is their awesome, relaxing back deck...
This is the front porch. Sisco posed so nicely for me...
This is the cute little path they built, complete with a fountain/watering hole for the dogs...
This morning I took a wandering drive towards those mountains, following dirt roads to their end. This is the view Cari and Glenn get to see every morning when they drive down towards Rt. 40 to go to UNM. The picture doesn't do it justice at all. I plan to bring people up this way when they come to visit me just because the drive is gorgeous, and you really can see forever, it seems.

This is the front porch, complete with my two new buddies: Riley, the yellow lab, and Sisco, the lab/husky mix...Riley is the sweetest and follows me everywhere. I feel very safe here alone with these two guys keeping watch...

This is the sunset Mel and I saw the other day. She took this shot while I drove. It was magnificent. THIS is the New Mexico I came here for. THIS is the inspiring horizon that harmonizes with my soul, that resonates and satisfies my need to feel free. Its so peaceful and quiet here, far from the highway, far from malls and shopping, far from any hustle or bustle, a place to really slow life down and enjoy it to the fullest.

where are we headed?

The way in which appreciation of foundational knowledge is rapidly declining really has me worried. As a result of technology, we no longer feel the need to know how to SPELL (there's spellcheck since no one hand writes anything anymore) or ADD (there's calculators readily available everywhere, even on cell phones), or know ANYTHING really, since the great world wide web can give as all the information we could ever need. Before a test, a student actually said to me, "I don't understand why we have to know any of this by heart; I can always go look it up." In some school districts, they no longer teach geography of the United States(!!); they no longer teach basic rules of grammar (!!) (doubtful to spawn a generation of William Faulkners when the only complete set of vocabulary these children possess is the truncated form of the English language created from text and instant messaging).

What happened to valuing knowledge? To liking to know things just for the sake of knowing? To not wanting to look stupid when you misuse "your" and "you're," "too" and "to?" To realizing that having knowledge gives you a foundation on which to think for yourself? Heading in this direction means we're soon going to entrust computers with telling us what to believe. We'll be surrounded by individuals incapable of decision making or real conversation. We'll be, well at least I'll be, dispirited, dismayed, and dejected, with plenty of time to sit and shake my head as there will be a lack of anyone worth talking to, or anything worth reading.

pointillism of perfection

pain au chocolat melts upon the tongue, 

exploding with dark chocolate 

between buttery layers

croissants flake into submission

crepes cause my own surrender

'sushi love' satisfies like no other

blackberries burst upon my tongue

their juices matching the orchids in the open window

that are keeping watch over the grounds at Cité Universitaire

Sacré-Coeur surprises every time

its white cardboard cutout stands starkly against the blue sky

matching only the clouds in both color and awe

Rues Cler and Mouffetard charm as much as Montmartre

damp cobblestone

wine stained lips

a brooding Notre-Dame somehow warming

the cool night on the Seine

glorious gardens in which we practice parisian living

baguette? check. sacripants? check. crackers belin? check. bordeaux? check.

slowing of time? check.

bats' ("Fledermaus") frenzied flights

foreshadowing the american pop music adventure

of european student's singalong and sweat laden shimmying

Trocadéro the perfect platform

from which to be mesmerized by Gustave's glory

and captivated by love's miracle

the Louvre containing masterpieces 

(and existing as its own)

the Orsay alive with Impressionists' entrapment of a moment and explosion of color

"seeking to capture a feeling or experience rather than to achieve accurate depiction"

i'm attempting this myself here...

gathering up the gazes...

collecting all the kisses...

unrelentless laughter and swirling smiles 

speckled across two weeks of canvas

pointillism of a perfect love.

Renoir, Pissarro, Sisley, step aside

there's nothing you can create

that is more beautiful

than this.

Sunshine

i like this one.

The Dying Animal by Philip Roth

What a great read. Great movie too (Elegy)

From, The Dying Animal

The main character's son, a college senior, gets a classmate pregnant, and goes to his father for advice....his father's reply:

"I reminded him that nobody could make him do what he didn't want to do. I said what I wished some forceful man had said to me when I was on the brink of making my mistake. I said, 'Living in a country like ours, whose key documents are all about emancipation, all directed at guaranteeing individual liberty, living in a free system that is basically indifferent to how you behave as long as the behavior is lawful, the misery that comes your way is most likely to be self-generated. It would be another matter if you were living in Nazi-occupied Europe or in Communist-dominated Europe or in Mae Zedong's China. There they manufacture the misery for you; you don't have to take a single wrong step in order never to want to get up in the morning. But here, free of totalitarianism, a man like you has to provide himself his own misery. You, moreover, are intelligent, articulate, good-looking, well educated--you are made to thrive in a country like this one. Here the only tyrant lying in wait will be convention, which is not to be taken lightly either. Read Tocqueville, if you haven't yet. He's not outdated, not on the subject of 'men being forced through the same sieve.' The point is that you shouldn't think that you miraculously have to become a beatnik or a bohemian or a hippie to elude the the trammels of convention. Successfully doing so doesn't require exaggerations of conduct or oddities of dress that are alien to your temperament and your upbringing. Not at all. All you have to do, Ken, is to find your force. You have it, I know you have it--it is immobilized only by the newness of the predicament. If you want to live intelligently beyond the blackmail of the slogans and the unexamined rules, you have only to find your own...' Et cetera, et cetera. The Declaration of Independence. The Bill of Rights. The Gettysburg Address. The Emancipation Proclamation. The Fourteenth Amendment. All three of the Civil War amendments...

I know all the objections that a pure and moral young man can give to claiming personal sovereignty. I know all the admirable labels to attach to not asserting one's sovereignty. Well, Kenny's difficulty is that he must be admirable whatever the cost. He lives in fear of a woman telling him he's not. "Selfish" is the word that cripples him. You selfish bastard. He's terrified of that judgment, so that's the judgment that rules."

don't let it happen to you...

...gala posts an inspiring quote today, what its really all about...

Ryan Holiday's food for thought...

"Here's the thing, I could make that all into some dramatic story - like it was this harrowing experience that stays with me - but to be frank, I have almost no recollection of that time...Narration conveniently ignores the day we laid around and watched tv and the week where we were sure we were going to quit but didn't. It's just not honest...We are wired to think a certain way - linearly, towards purpose, in terms of justification..I don't think it's a fight you can win on your own - it takes people on both sides, cynical and optimistic to keep you centered."


please click and read and THINK.

More Lisa Hannigan...

...to fit the morning here...

I have lost you to sleep again

Sleeping as we do

On opposite sides of a venn diagram

I read the time

In shadows on your wall

The shards of light

Through the slats on your window

I ease myself from under your languid arm

I fumble on my boots

And hear you breathe through your alarm

And I disarm it for you

You rarely heed it anyway

I wouldn't want it to intrude upon your dream

School bell ring messing up the play...

'Venn Diagram,' Lisa Hannigan

soapbox alert

I was catching up with a friend back in Jersey last night, and she told me about her best friend's wedding preparation. My friend, we'll call her Marie, is a bridesmaid, and was complaining that the only time her best friend, we'll call her Joan, ever calls anymore is to talk about wedding stuff. Marie said that while she hasn't yet, she'd like to call Joan out on it, and say, "You know...when the wedding is over, what will we have to talk about?"

I quickly responded, "It's never over for people like that. Next it will be the honeymoon, the wedding album will come in after that, then they will start talking about kids, then they will be trying, then she will get pregnant, then it will be about her baby, then the next pregnancy...In other words it will ALWAYS be about HER."

For people like that, it always is. Egocentrism is supposed to be limited to childhood, and young childhood at that. But some people never grow out of it and live their entire lives in terms of what next step will bring them more attention and more validation because they never learn how to do it from within, on their own, and for themselves.

You know those family reunion parties where everyone asks about you and make you feel like your life is so interesting and "on the verge" of big stuff? Do you still go to those parties expecting to be asked all sorts of questions, or have you finally matured to the point of asking OTHERS questions about THEIR lives, realizing that you aren't the ONLY ONE with interesting things happening to you? The kind of people I'm talking about get a high, a validation, from answering all those questions about themselves and, knowingly or unknowingly, plan their lives according to what is the best answer to those questions.

In high school, they get all the attention in the world from their parents about what college they will attend. In college, its all about how they are doing in class, and then what it will mean for their career. Then it becomes all about the first job. Then its the relationship status or search. Must. find. husband. Its finding an answer to "So where's the ring?" or "Is she the one?" Suggestive thoughts being put into your head before you might have even been ready to think about it, or at least before you were ready to make it a priority in your thoughts, and now you no longer have a choice because, "you're not getting any younger you know." (To quote a friend's wise ass response to that one: "You know they passed a law that you can't get married past the age of 28, right?") Joan there will probably never realize that she didn't necessarily decide for herself any of the biggest decisions in her life. And, worse yet, she's probably happy as a clam in her oblivion, and happy because its still ALL ABOUT HER, as long as she keep the timetable tight and interesting, in line with expectations of others, and similar to the people around her, so that she can always be in the baby talk conversation, or the grandkid photo show and tell.

I had another conversation with a friend who wanted to join the Peace Corps after college. Her dad informed her that would be taking a "step back." FROM WHAT? Its HER life...SHE gets to decide the steps, the story, the timetable, the achievements she wants to make, the level on the ladder she wants to hit. What if she doesn't care to get a promotion by the age of 25? And the answer is that he didn't want to deal with the unspoken disapproval of neighbors and family members when he couldn't respond that his daughter just landed that great position; that it somehow reflects badly on him that he raised a daughter who wants to go out and HELP in third world countries!? What is wrong with this picture...I've heard a similar gripe from another father..."Well how will you support a family?" What if I don't plan to have one? What if I can live off a smaller salary for the rest of my life because I don't feel the need to have a jungle gym, minivan, white picket fence, and send two kids to college? Why would I want to when it would only perpetuate this ghastly cycle?

These are the issues that fuel my need to keep a solid hold on my control over my decisions about what is, in the end, my, and ONLY my, life.

Lisa Hannigan: An Ocean and a Rock

What you at my gentle spoken friend

I lack a frame to put you in

When you're an ocean and a rock away

I feel you in the pocket of my overcoat

My fingers wrap around your words

And take the shape of games we play

I feed your words through my buttonholes

I pin them to my fingerless gloves

Green and prone to fraying

Thoughts of you warm my bones

I'm on the way, I'm on the phone

Let's get lost, me and you

An ocean and a rock is nothing to me

Now I am far away from where you lay

Awake the day while you fall to sleep

An ocean and a rock away

I keep you in the pockets of my dresses

And the bristles of my brushes

Spin you into my curls today

I spoon you into my coffee cup

Spin you through a delicate wash

I wear you all day

I wear you all day

Thoughts of you warm my bones

I'm on the way, I'm nearly home

Let's get lost, me and you

An ocean and a rock is nothing to me

*********

how fitting.

Words of Mrazdom

Thanks for potential turning my day around and inspiring me to see the positive energy.

an ocean's night

an ocean's night keeps you from me

never again to see you at seven p.m.

sunshine's droop

reflecting smile's droop

refracting off sparkling moments of solitude

eight hours of my day

eight hours of yours

sixteen hours of sleep

collectively steal our contact

limited time on an already

limited budget

crowded with debits of touch

deep in deficit of skin

still in surplus of love

time isn't money

since it is priceless.

le voyageur de l'esprit

at the intersection of pompous and genius
at the corner of pretention and philosophy
(judgement in the mind of the beholder)
where postulations undulate
and books' breathe contented sighs
romance in the flourish of a pencil
lead appears as love on another full page
a blooming not in soil but in skull
a synapse's spark
lighting the candle
that burns midnight's oil
and illuminates the map
when thought becomes a journey,
journey becomes a thought.
destination is discovery
untouched grounds
founded in freedom
experience untouched
save for one.























for roo

Another travel reflection

In a weary daze

My westerly gaze

Is caught by the rays

stretching out around cloud break

The sun a beacon, calling me back

As the clouds move right to left 

Across my field of vision

Gathering atop my last location

The sounds of bass, piano, and drums

Necessarily drown out

The hungry gluttons that surround me

in a panicked rush to fill their gullets

I turn away to the window

Tears of rain distorting the view

Of the sun setting here

But warming the ground for my arrival

In my western home.

Season without Reason 09

A new Season without Reason is upon us...Here are my reasons for celebrating life that have nothing to do with gifts or holidays:

1. The presence of all digits (phalanges)

2. Digits that come to you in half sleep: 6458

3. Time with family being better and better each visit

4. Planning trips to Paris

5. Hats!

6. Wireless connections that work

7. Guiltless weight gain with the confidence in losing it

8. lovely lovers

9. awesomely brave travelling friends

10. VHS cassettes from 1987.

11. not having to stick to lists of set quantities

12. Cranium,

13. balderdash, 

14. baseball, 

15. jesus avocado,

16. scrabble

17. music

18. Bill Bryson

19. pizza from the NY tri state area

20. Yuengling

21. Mr. Sushi's all-you-can-eat for $22 Peter and Randy Rolls

stuck in minne

yes, it could be worse

and yes, i'll be home soon

but man

this really sucks

especially with the anticipation of my birthday ruined by weather as well

detachment's subdue

wilted, the flower gave all its beauty

only to have its petals left to dry out

crumbled and crunched

like leaves in fall

and falls that leave

quickly

become something else

no longer recognizable

now cold and stark and quiet

the winter that keeps to itself

too cold to stop and chat

but the flower

now only a stem

looking dead

lookinglostforgotten

simply rather

rather simply

flowing with the season

playing 

smartkeeping 

quietlaying 

low

southwestern colddried 

sorrowripped cracked

red dust filling in the space

where novelty's worn thin

pray home will fill in

without

i am most certainly without purpose here

without family

without purpose

without