widening cracks

as our worlds widen, the ground splits. cracks our bound to appear in the foundation. its just whether we build bridges or not that makes the difference. how strong is this bridge?

in five years, i see myself five years older...

...don't get freaked out by the pure light within you
no, don't let it freak you out
just go with it
because if you don't go with it
it will just take you where it wants to be
which is cool too, if you have the time

-chris robinson

as i start to turn my gaze toward graduation in May, the questions are cropping up again. no longer am i free to flow into something (new place to live, new job, new program of study) because first i must flow out. and for some reason, this means i must know the direction of my flow. or so they say.

'where do you see yourself in 5 years?' and 'what are your career goals?' seem to come up every day, and its silly really. talking to a friend last night, he had a great answer, 'i have no plans to stay and i have no plans to leave.' having no plans is what it should be all about. because once you think you have it all figured out, you are just asking to be proven wrong. in any situation. plans, while some people need the security of knowing WHERE they are going, are mostly limiting. what if my friend had plans to leave and a month before doing so, he is faced with a great opportunity? likely he will not view the same opportunity in the same light because he's 'on his way out,' likely the opportunity may not have presented itself to begin with because he's been busy planning his exit and looking to the future, no longer cultivating the same friendships, community bonds, and work bonds, no longer rooting himself to this place.

And anyway, why and for what/who do you need a plan? I suppose if you are looking to make a real impact on the world, make some kind of change that matters, then yes you need a plan, but most of us are just trying to live. So for most of us, what does a plan give us besides a sense, albeit inflated, of importance, a sense of meaning to our lives. But when you get there, to this end point in your goal, do you feel fulfilled? Maybe but I bet its so short lived because it that is how you see the world, you are already onto the next goal, already thinking about the future, never there in the present really enjoying what in reality is all we have, the now.

and while i feel uprooted and in limbo lately, i know it just means i'm staying OPEN to all the possibilities.

its like relationships and marriage...they represent plans as well. plans for a future, plans to stay loyal to this person. once you are in that spot, do you go out as often and meet new people? lets say you do, even...do you approach the new people you meet with the same openness, curiosity, sense of 'what if' and possibility? most people do not. and so you've closed yourself off to possibility. and i'm not saying possibility of meeting another mate, although that IS there, but even just the possibility of an intimate friendship, a deep rewarding bond, but now instead, there are social conventions blocking you from getting to know that person on such a level because it may be perceived the wrong way by your mate, their mate, outside parties, etc. And you assume they have nothing much to offer you since you've already found that 'person for you.' we're so inhibited by our plans and our decisions that we *think* are carved out, set in stone. burn your carvings. throw that stone into the ocean and watch it change form.
stay open.

plans usually limit you because plans are made by you; creations of only what you can imagine, and while some may dare to dream, most of us live in the realm of practicality and likelihood because its safer. you can't imagine something greater, something outside yourself, you don't imagine there are others as enlightening as those people that you've met and know at that moment. and you plan on a narrow foundation. not planning allows you to be open to a wider scope of probabilities, to all those things you thought could never happen, but somehow do (usually right around or after the time you think you've got it all figured out).

there's a quote on my wall that says 'dwell in possibility' and it doesn't mean to always be wanting something else or always be thinking about the future. at least not to me, to me it says, be open, be aware, that it is possible for anything to change at any time, for new doors to open, for old doors you thought would never shut to now be locked, you just never know.

love,

aimless peacock

Del McCoury: All Aboard

I can feel the wheels turning underneath my feet
As I pull the shade down on my window seat
Praying where I'm going is better than where I've been
Then a stranger sits down as if he's right at home
Touches me and says, I see you're traveling alone
And by the way, son, you forgot to say amen
He says, I guess there's something here I need to explain
I try to talk to everyone riding this train
Some of them listen, but most don't pay me no mind

And the train keeps rolling, and the world keeps turning
All aboard, all aboard, everybody's gotta get on board

Take that woman with the frown sitting across the aisle
With her briefcase open nigh on ninety miles
She never even noticed that lake back at Horseshoe Bend
And that couple with the kids at the front of the car
Fussing all the way about some cookie jar
I'm gonna ask them what they saw at their journeys end
And there's a fellow I left sitting in the back
Keeps a smile on his face through a paper sack
Looking out the window but he can't see past the pain

And the train keeps rollin', and the world keeps turnin'
All aboard, all aboard, everybody's gotta get on board

Then the train slows down unexpectedly
As I raise my blind he slaps my knee
Sayin', this is my stop son, but you won't be travelin' alone
I look out my window to wave him goodbye
But there's nobody there, just a light in the sky
I lose my breath and my blood runs cold as stone
Then I feel the wheels turnin' underneath my feet
But life looks different from my window seat
Knowin' where I'm going is better than where I've been

And the train keeps rollin', and the world keeps turnin'
All aboard, all aboard, everybody's gotta get on board

I can feel the wheels a turnin' underneath my feet

Highway 550 to Ouray

Girl on the Mountain

She is a serious girl, her kiss tells you why She spins the wheel that rolls back the sky She tells the tales That make the dust cry With wings on her feet and stars in her eyes And I can hear her, hear her sing out my name And there's a girl on a mountain, waiting there for me And then the sad day came When she said goodbye The rust and the rain are all she left behind Yes I can hear her Hear her sing out my name There's a girl on the mountain Waiting there for me There's a girl on the mountain Where there's a song, on the breeze Inside these four walls a hole to the devil the empire never ended The black cat a shadow, alive on the ceiling, and there are no foot prints where I've been Where I've been Title: Girl On The Mountain Author: Chris Robinson and Paul Stacey Artist: Chris Robinson and the New Earth Mud Album: This Magnificent Distance Debut: 10/07/03 Session: This Magnificent Distance Shows: 32 times played live

have at it.

sandstoneandpine

parenthetical on my mind

decisions are revisions

soft shouldered, deceitful time

is an obscured veiled vision

a new trail blazed through wood

away from those who victory blessed

away from those who stood

a girl stands lone

in the valleys of time

patience-crowned

but with thorns of pride.

lavender laughter

lacerating languish

fairweather fumblings

fabricating anguish

the road but paved

with good intention

leads to a bridge

burning with apprehension.

the judge upon

his high throne sits

upon closer inspection

has been put out of his wits.

there is no wizard

there is no oz

all you have is all you have

is all you.

have at all.

Surgical Glove

Well you play guitar
With rusty strings
Well you find a use
For whatever they bring
Man you're so ESP
You're politely stoned
With your late night friends
You're never alone

Tell me when the stage goes dark
There's no where to hide
Just give em that bleeding heart
Sinking ships and dead end streets
Long good byes and dirty sheets
Empty bottles and forgotten song

And you've lost yourself
In your own gold mine
Can't find your way
Through the maze in your mind
Yea man you dug a hole
So you gave it a name
Well man you might still look young
But you're not the same

You can never go back
Cause you long left home
Do you ever want to know love?
Sinking ships and dead end streets
Long good byes and dirty sheets
Empty bottles and forgotten song

There's a hollow man
He lives in a cloud
He's got a hole in his arm
Yea it makes a lonely sound
Another stow away
Yea to a place in the sun
And by the time he gets there his job will be done
Only when the stage goes dark
There's no where to hide
Just give him that bleeding heart

Sinking ships and dead end streets
Long good byes and dirty sheets
Empty bottles forgotten songs
Pick your poison to each his own

Title: Surgical Glove
Author: Chris Robinson
Artist: Chris Robinson
Album: This Magnificent Distance
Debut: 06/20/04
Session: This Magnificent Distance
Shows: 2 times played live

Like a tumbleweed

Sing me a song like the wants of the river
Tell me a tale of the wolves
Make me a gift of arrow and quiver
Love me child of the moon
Bring me the bark from the burnt trees of Mayfair
Recite me ancient verse
Control the powers of wondrous color or unspeakable one word curse

Roll me like a tumbleweed in Eden
All the way home
Roll me like a tumbleweed in Eden
All the way home

Go ring the bells of solemn forewarning
Chew on the bitterest roots
Go throw your rope speak in split tongue charming
Go shine your pair of black boots

Roll me like a tumbleweed in Eden
All the way home
Roll me like a tumbleweed in Eden
All the way home
And there I'll stay
Lock me away until the day that you love me

So bring back the days of my emerald wanderings
Dream in a wide open sky
Never forget my drunken stumblings
And I'll see you in the by and by

Title:	Like A Tumbleweed in Eden
Author:	Chris Robinson
Artist:	Chris Robinson
Album:	This Magnificent Distance
Debut:	02/10/03
Session:	This Magnificent Distance
Shows:	4 times played live