call us crazy idealists but...

what? education's purpose is to LEARN? really?

so glad

"said i many times, love is illusion,
a feeling result of confusion
with knowing smile and blase sigh,
a cynical so and so, am i

i feel so sure, so positive,
so utterly unchangeably certain
though i never was aware of loving you
'til i suddenly realized there was love in you and oh...

chorus:
in this world of ordinary people...
extraordinary people,
i'm glad there is you

in this world of overrated pleasures
and underrated treasures,
i'm glad there is you.

i live to love,
i love to live with you beside me
this role, so new
i'll muddle through with you
if you'll guide me through.

in this world where many, many play at love
and hardly any stay in love,
i'm glad there is you

more than ever, i'm glad there is you

said i many times, love is illusion..."

check them out

super awesome sites to bookmark!

http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/?

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

part two

my last post found me taking stock of my possession in order to move my life...
potentially just as important, if not more, as what i am moving is why

i've been pared down to:
a bathroom box
a kitchen box
an office box
a shoes box
vacuum packed clothing
cameras
books
and a computer
but i am not a list of possessions
the load lightened
organized and allowing for
the most important thing
freedom...
reconstruction
re-creation
change
opportunity
experience
education
in three months, just me and the open road
heading 2000 miles in a southwesterly direction
my sun rising in the west

(and as i type this...shuffling onto my itunes...a Railroad Earth show from Albuquerque)

memories

when asked if i think about the man i loved for a whole fifth of my life,
i can honestly answer that days sometimes go by without a thought.
when asked if i think about the man who raised me for the first fifth of my life,
i can honestly answer, again, that days pass, and when a thought appears, there is no accompanying emotion.
am i without a heart?
i like to think i'm simply more without strings
there are some, keeping me grounded to this moment, perhaps
but when each day allows for re-creation of this person i call myself
i need not be defined by the people, places, and things i've moved on from
on this the eve of a very big move
i'm mired in memories
deciding which to take
which to leave behind
which to donate
and which to discard
its a tiresome process, that demands nostalgia, measurement of pricelessness, and selectivity of necessity.
in the end, like my friend said, 'its just stuff.'
i still possess only two items from my childhood,
and will keep only one.
each year of your life becomes a smaller percentage of your life as time passes
and you own proportionally less from each era.
so many things being gifts, representing hard earned money of loved ones...i'm left with much to store.
and with them, i'm storing away that person who owned all those things
and realizing how much it feels like i could not even call that person me
the things changed, the things lost, the things forgotten...
and so this passage spoke to me:

"...how a file opens the door to a vast sunken labyrinth of the forgotten past, but how, too, the very act of opening the door itself changes the buried artifacts, like an archaeologist letting in fresh air to a sealed Egyptian tomb.
For these are not simply past experiences rediscovered in their original state. Even without the fresh light...our memories decay or sharpen, mellow or sour, with the passage of time and the change of circumstances...But with the fresh light the memory changes irrevocably. A door opens, but another closes. There is no way back now to your own earlier memory of that person, that event. It is like a revelation made, years later, to a loved one. Or like a bad divorce, where today's bitterness transforms all the shared past, completely, miserably, seemingly forever. Except that this bitter memory, too, will fade and change with the further passage of time.
So what we have is nothing less than an infinity of memories of any moment, event, or person: memories that change slowly always, with every passing second, but now and then dramatically, after some jolt or revelation. Like one of those digital photographs whose every color, tint, or detail can be changed on a computer screen, except that here we're not in control and can't revert at will to an earlier image. They say "The past is a foreign country," but actually the past is another universe.
-The File, Timothy Garton Ash

A Nation at Risk

the history and prediction of falling short

tangibility

twinkling pixels
electronic mail
plane ticket bills
text message trail
entire intangibility
i need...
that warmth from your hands
that dictates my hips

that magnetic force
that calls out my lips

that shape of your body
thats made so mine fits

that look in your eyes
that video doesn't catch

that way that you hold me
that no one could match

that awareness of your breathing
that lulls me to dreams

that tiny little sigh
thats more than it seems

that tiny little kiss
and the love that is meant

that spot on your neck
that defines your scent

that nook between your body and bed
that delineates my sleep

that place in your arms
that decides my smile
some tangibility would really be nice
for awhile

give it a shot

whether the cause be peace, the environment, educational reform, or supporting the losing candidate because you agree with his stance, you'll get more fulfillment out of being true to what you believe than being in the winner's circle.

giving up because you'll never see the fruits of your labor is rather selfish and more so, besides the point. if you really care about the cause, seeing your own actions make an impact should not really be a motivator.

if nothing else, you challenged, tried, cared, fought, and therefore, mattered.

more holidays

incredible timing for how i've been feeling...

"So when I see one of these cycles begin, I try to intercept, intercede. Isolate the catalyst and counteract it. Not feeling creative? Sit and write--even if it's about not feeling creative. (What do you think I'm doing now?) No results? Find something you know will provide them and do it, however small, inefficient or temporary. [Like my friend said last night...make my list out of SMALL things I can get done instead of BIG things that seem insurmountable]. Head it off now to save the time and struggle. But remember the metatheme. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's ok if one of them gets away from you every once in a while. There's no shame in taking a little break and feeling human--it's always better than bottling it up. But more often then not, step back and regain control. Do not let one emotion feed off another or let small bums throw you wildly off track. For you will find Aurelius' "fluent stillness" to be a goal well worth striving for."

motivational

This guys words really get inside me...

to quote the parts I like...
"The more I read the more I become convinced that life's only meaning from that which ascribe to it. That purpose exists only when your project and live it daily....
...Although I might not have reached true actualization, I am well on my way to warming up. Everyday I get up and I scratch a little at the walls that society sets up to prevent you from getting there. That my purpose is to be involved in the creation and furtherance of public discourse, so each book I read and word I write is the functioning of my soul. Happiness comes from action, and that action must be excellent...
...When we fail to tell people this, they lose life in the forest for all the trees--clutching with the vastness of it all, when what they need is tiny enough to hold. Some of us know this and are happy--and productive. Others know this and refuse to admit it, drowning the simplicity with alcohol or drugs....
...Excellence here becomes excellence there, and combined they equal the ultimate excellence: happiness. It seems to be logical, if happiness is that which we all aspire too, it must be the most excellent--and only through excellent action are we excellent....
...Read and read often. Act in moderation. Resist the pleasures and pains that distract you. Wake each morning prepared for exertion. Do not sleep or leave the gym until you have. Drench the ground in your sweat, fill the pages with words. The Resistance will dog you the entire way, pay it no attention. When you diverge from the path, look inwards and correct--dedicate a second to chastisement and move on. But most importantly, realize that not knowing your purpose is no excuse for stasis. Even if the destination has yet to reveal itself, you still must be ready for the call. Prepare, be active, and be open. Only then will you find happiness and contentment. I have had only a small taste, but I at least know it's worth every bit of effort."

like now.

agreed, ryan.
and yet sometimes,
like now,
i wonder how much more happy i'd be
if i wasn't always checking in with myself,
asking why.
if i wasn't so undeniably aware
of every little emotion, thought, and reaction
if it wasn't now so automatic
to scrutinize the often inscrutible
til it becomes
excruciating
like now.

staccato

its just not there
not here
i remember what it was
what it felt like
but could not now fabricate
something so natural
and free flowing

back broken
from limbo
i feel truncated
sta cca to
a hiccup to myself
a stutter to the world

why?

yes, sir. need any more reasons?

if you insist.

amazing...

yea but how many times did he have to try each shot til he got the basket?

books that make you dumb?

interesting, especially when you note the location of the bible...

did they consider...?

What about a reverse causality possibility? If I am a calm, happy, peaceful person (likely with already low blood pressure because I don't get stressed at every little thing), then I'm more likely to be happy in my relationships? A relationship, after all, does not make you happy. YOUR happiness makes for a happy relationship. So maybe it doesn't make you healthier either.

(only) halfway to everywhere

You could be so energy
Electricity
You could be lightning
You could be anything
A masterpiece
A revolutionary
You can see what, you want to see
Can you let it be?
Learn or teach


Im only halfway to everywhere

Im only halfway to everywhere

Im only halfway to everywhere


i'm thinking positively
Positively
This is possible
They can say right or wrong
Never hear this song
Or look you in the eye
i'm getting rid of negativity
Lose the loss in me
Call it equality
Good luck is a frame of mind
Call it humankind
And say its destiny
-The Black Crowes

bedblog

really?!?

mraz

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
-jason mraz, 'i'm yours'

*so very excited about the new jason mraz album...*

world music map?

A Cacophony for sure, work of art nonetheless!

tired rolling down my cheeks

take a deep breath
to stop the flow
nothing to be done
no one to know
let it come
then let it go
you're only overtired

cute

LOL