jam and grubb

Johnny Grubb, bassist for Railroad Earth, responds to a recent comment that the show I recently attended on Feb 1st, should be made into a live release album:

"'Twould have. Unfortunately my computer met with an untimely demise
last November. I haven't been able to justify, or rationalize,
spending the cash to get back up to speed with the scarcity of gigs
that we've had this winter, hence the lack of recent releases. So,
unfortunately, Mr. 710, the recording of Feb. 1 is a casualty and
probably won't be let out any time soon. Or ever, since I don't have

it. But hey, the upside is that if we had been recording we probably
would never have gone that far out on 7 story. I mean, it's not like
we talked about it beforehand or did that on purpose and stuff like
that seems to only happen when we have no documentation of it. It's
weird like that..."

That last part sounds a lot like I was saying here :)

dream.er.

Come on an untangle my mind
Yeah make it good for me
Like the first time
Just do it to me
Do it to me with a smile
Like one million years ago
So come on and do it
To me with a smile
Let your diamond rivers flow

You appeared to me
You were real to me
Well you helped me see
Everything
Anything
Everything

So I remember living in London town
Ashtrays full on a gray day
I remember when wintertime came tumbling down
And it knocked us off our feet
For days and days and days
Yeah I remember we talked about going to Spain
And the wintertime came tumbling down

You appeared to me
You were real to me
Well you helped me see
Everything
Anything
Everything

So come on
Please
Untangle my mind
Come on and do it to me
Do it to me
Make it real like the first time
-Chris Robinson, Untangle My Mind

take five.

Take Five to listen to Take Five on Mandolin!

String Cheese Incident at the Rialto in 2000...neat stuff :)
Jazz and bluegrass collide so wonderfully!

does a gypsy grow up?

Getting coffee this morning, i overheard a lady saying her husband was leaving her to see the world, leaving today with the Black Crowes. Turns out he is 'tech' and travels around with different bands on tour. This has resulted in their divorce. The discussion of freedom in relationships and long distance is for another post and another time, but it got me thinking again...
I wonder when and if it will ever happen, and i wonder what i'll do if it doesn't.
What i'm talking about is the idea of being settled in to a place or job. As it stands now, i'm so very excited about the idea that i don't yet know where my life will lead me. I have no definite plan or goal for it to be anywhere in particular in 3, 5, or 10 years, and i love the mystery. What scared me away greatly from my last relationship was the idea that i saw it all unfolding before me very tangibly and visibly, the marriage, the house, the job, the dogs, the kids even. And it would have been just fine, certainly nothing to objectionable for any normal person's life really, but i didn't like the idea that i knew, predictably, how things would go for years to come in my future. In addition, i was not ready to say at that point, and really am still not, that marriage and kids are for me. Keeping me afloat right now is that idea that i will soon sail away from this place and my job, with its disillusioning effects on my idealism, and start a new lifestyle in a new, unfamiliar place. I sauntered out of the gym after a work out last night, looked up at the damp sky and realized how freeing it felt to NOT know if and when i would be married, if and when i would have a house, if and when i would have children, if and when i would have a job with real responsibilities. Some might even consider me immature for this viewpoint, but i say to them, who says i have to live my life according to their timetable of "mature" stepping stones if i choose not to? I know and hold this to be true, but the fact remains that i'm likely to need and find a job that keeps me in one place for some extended period of time, no? Or maybe it will happen when i'm happy to stay in one place for an extended period of time and it will cause no dissonance. I still feel concerned, however, that just the simple IDEA of being in one place for too long will creep in and begin to erode the happiness i may have found. I consider myself to be happy in this place and job and still, if i saw myself here for any more than 4 years...the thought of that turns my stomach. Could it be just a phase? For now, this post being published is the extent and conclusion of my concern, as my 'unsettlement' thus far has brought me into my most authentic self yet, and i've never felt better.

sure its bogus, but cute

sexy monday

*******

click for more shots of this near perfect beauty...

*******

monday.

It's not always what you face in life that makes up your story, but rather how you handle the situation and what kind of person you choose to be in the face of it. The tools you utilize and sharpen in dealing with problems of your own and with others are so key in deciding how a seemingly hopeless situation resolves, as well as, on a larger scale, the composition of your life. You may not consciously choose what side of the bed you wake up on, but you can decide whether to jump up and greet the sun or rain, make your bed, and put the shoe on the right foot that you'll get off on (if you choose to).

"Information and 'stress' are not going to diminish. So the question becomes, Do we let stress and information shape our response to the world, or do we use free will and critical thinking to make good decisions in response to inevitable stress and the influx of new information?...
Anger, frustration, stress, and anxiety are themselves a form of information. One of the main problems in contemporary society is that many people mistake emotion for the thought. Difficulties, sensation, emotion, information--they're the beginning of the heroic journey of the life of the mind, not its end.
Its a journey that can and should lead to the top of a mountain of our choosing."
-Michael R LeGault, Th!nk

overload

"Another insidious effect of information overload, closely related to quality dilution, is informational confusion. As outlined in David Shenk's book, Data Smog, people now have at their fingertips an oversupply of statistics, expert opinions, and widely circulated but simplified stories with which to interpret the world. Nothing is muffled and context is vaporized. As Shenk relates:

The proliferation of expert opinion has ushered in a virtual anarchy of expertise. To follow the news today is to have the surreal understanding that the earth is melting and the earth is cooling; that nuclear power is safe and nuclear power is not safe; that affirmative action works--or wait, no it doesn't.

Or a big later in Data Smog:

Since nearly any argument imaginable can now be supported with an impressive data set, the big winner is...argumentation itself...Factionalism gets a big boost from volleys of data, while dialogue and consensus--the marrow of democracy--run thinner and thinner.

Perhaps this is the best point to lob in Einstein's aphorism, 'Information is not knowledge." The point to extrapolate from Shenk's analysis is that the information explosion is not leading to better critical and creative thinking; it is largely being used to spout off, preach, or confirm existing biases and flawed thinking."

-Michael R LeGault, Th!nk

regina

Mr. Sunshine in the morning
In the morning light
Won't you come down from the ceiling
Won't you stay the night
Baby won't you stay the night

In the summer I remember days so long and hot
These past weeks it has been raining
And now my song's a flood
Baby now my song is a flood

You've been driving down that same road
Road rage in your eyes
So won't you come down from the ceiling
Won't you hear my cries
Won't you hear my cries

-Sunshine, Regina Spektor

cornerstone

For years I've had an internal debate and curiosity as to whether or not schools are "getting it right" when preparing the minds of the future. My concerns lie especially in the test-centered orientation of education in America, and how it could be stifling the student's long-term retention of knowledge.
In my undergraduate Consumer Behavior class, I learned the difference between recognition and recall in product branding. Advertising is obviously more effective when the consumer can recall the brand name, logo, or slogan without any prompting, as opposed to simply recognizing it when reminded in some way. I soon made the connection that this idea also applies to learning.
Around this same time, the business majors at my school were given a national standardized test of what we were supposed to have learned from our business curriculum. While taking this multiple-choice test, I realized there was a lot of material that I remembered learning about, but I could not come up with the answer. Many of the questions I was able to answer only because the answer was displayed in the options below the question. Had the question been open ended, I would not have been able to recall the correct information; I was only able to recognize it. This had to have been one of the most memorably disturbing and eye opening events in my life. I was one of the top students in the program and if I didn't have the knowledge, who did? My test scores ended up being well above average; what did that say about the rest of the people going on to careers in business?
Are we really retaining any knowledge when our testing methods only require recognition? I realized I wanted to study the effects of this on the formation of the brain and effectiveness of learning. For me, this was an exciting brainstorm and new idea that no one in my life had ever discussed with me. At the time, being that I had made this connection on my own, I thought I was onto something new and could make advances in educational research in the future. A few years later, I was enlightened to the fact that all of this has already been researched and studied. Here are quotes from an article I just read on FairTest.org that confirms my long time suspicions and theories. I still want to take it further and get into the actual effects that this type of test-centered learning has on formation of the brain, learning skills, cognition, etc, but for now, these ideas are a supportive start :

Some people claim that multiple-choice tests can be useful for measuring whether students can analyze material...this sort of question short-circuits the thinking process it claims to measure...choosing the wanted answer would be a matter of recall for many students. For students who did not recall the textbook response, no information is provided to actually analyze the question and come up with the wanted answer...A question really asking for critical thinking would have students weigh evidence and defend a position...

[A]s students move toward solving non-routine problems, analyzing, interpreting, and making mathematical arguments, multiple-choice questions are not useful...multiple-choice items are an inexpensive and efficient way to check on factual ("declarative") knowledge and routine procedures. However, they are not useful for assessing critical or higher order thinking in a subject, the ability to write, or the ability to apply knowledge or solve problems...
the test result is not useful for improving instruction for the individual.

A standardized multiple-choice test may point to some broad areas that need improvement...However, the tests do not provide information that will help teachers do a better job of teaching [x] because they do not show why the class generally did not do well...

Relying on multiple-choice tests as a primary method of assessment is educationally dangerous for many reasons: What is easily measurable may not be as important as what is not measurable or is more difficult to measure. A major danger with high stakes multiple-choice and short-answer tests -- tests that have a major impact on curriculum and instruction -- is that only things that are easily measured are taught.
When narrow tests define important learning, instruction often gets reduced to "drill and kill" - - lots of practice on questions that look just like the test. In this case, students often get no chance to read real books, to ask their own questions, to have discussions, to challenge texts, to conduct experiments, to write extended papers, to explore new ideas -- that is, to think about and really learn a subject.

The decision to use multiple-choice tests or include multiple-choice items in a test should be based on what the purpose of the test is and the uses that will be made of its results...Students should learn to think and apply knowledge. Facts and procedures are necessary for thinking, but schools should not be driven by multiple-choice testing into minimizing or eliminating thinking and problem-solving. Therefore, classroom assessments and standardized tests should not rely more than a small amount on multiple-choice or short-answer items.

Finding that this had already been extensively studied was initially disappointing to my hopes to make strides in research, but it now excites me to know there is still so much to learn.

Another important thing I learned from this experience: I really feel that it had such an impact on me because it was something I put together on my own, and this amazing feeling led me to realize how powerful it is when the student figures something out by him or herself. This has structured my philosophies on life as well as education going forward. As the author Osho says, "Your own truth, your own finding, is going to liberate you; nothing else can do that for you."

excuses, excuses...

That being said, I still know this:

"according to research done by the tests' manufacturers, class rank and/or high school grades are still both better predictors of college performance than the SAT I."

better yet?

"The U.S is the only economically advanced nation to rely heavily on multiple-choice tests. Other nations use performance based assessment where students are evaluated on the basis of real work such as essays, projects, and activities. Ironically, because these nations do not focus on teaching to multiple-choice tests, they even score higher than U.S. students on those kinds of tests."-from FairTest.org

My whole point is just that we seem to be more and more a society that makes excuses for our shortcomings instead of taking actions to improve ourselves, and taking responsibility to learn from our weaknesses. This is well stated by Michael R LeGault in Th!nk,

"Yet, on a much broader scale, the huge, unprecedented boom in various learning disabilities is in keeping with America's transformation from a self-reliant culture to a culture of dependency...a shift in philosophical values, away from the common acceptance of that view that one's shortcomings are a result of flawed character or lack of initiative and toward the idea of a self in which one's flaws are a product of hardwired maladies and disorders. Thus, peoples excesses--food, gambling, shopping--are not problem behavior caused by lack of self-control, but addictions. One common explanation for poor scores on exams is a type of panic syndrome..."

And its sad enough that this exists in soon to be epidemic proportions, but the implications of this attitude and its exponential growth are what is scary:

"The explosion of the therapy culture, the learning disability industry, and the self-esteem movement can only harm the prospects for improving critical and creative thinking in America. With an educational system chiefly focused on the political aims to maintain the status quo, suppress guilt, modify behavior, and attend to the needs of slow learners, how realistic is it to expect excellent, inspired teaching? If everyone is automatically special, what incentive is there to devote extra time studying to obtain a B instead of a C, or an A rather than a B? Low expectations and mediocrity breed more of the same. If I'm labeled as having a learning disorder, it says right there in black and white, certified, I'M IMPAIRED! THINKING IS A BIG PROBLEM FOR ME.
So perhaps the quickest way out of this mess is to recognize and admit we are all suffering from one learning disorder or another, low self-esteem, or a composite of afflictions. This statement is not intended to be dismissive of the serious effect disorders such as autism, dyslexia, or even ADD-like symptoms can have on learning. Nonetheless, it is true that some of us are better at history than math, or memorizing rather than spatial visualization, or cooking rather than home repair...
The human mind's ability to critically reason is the essence of our self-reliance and, ultimately, freedom. Self-reliance and freedom are universally associated with the American way of life. If we continue to feed the feel-good monster it will very happily and contentedly devour that way of life."

you can count on more to come...

found snow friday

this morning
my bed
whispered to me this:

"turn the snow up
leave it on
and come back to me
nestle yourself in
like the snow piled
in the crooks of those branches
tangle yourself in the sheets
like those twigs in the cold
twisting together for warmth
let the guitars' notes fall
around your face
like the flakes
and be the inspiration
to a
snow drift in and out
of that peaceful dream
when you are ready
and only when good and ready
rise from the soft jersey sheets
still warm from your body
(oh how happy your body makes us)
and makeacuppa
mochacappu
savor it
but savor more
the found time"

sats

how is it that everyone in the world and their mother is a bad test taker?
are we doing these students a disservice in schools by encouraging that thinking?
much to ponder...looking forward to getting into it on a deeper level if i head of to NM, but for now, if one more student (or even HALF of one mother) says that to me, i will scream.

sad and slightly disturbing...

...for a variety of reasons...

Would it bother anyone else to know that in the top 20 books on Amazon's Social Psychology & Interactions list you could find this:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

fiona

Pale september,
I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within
But then he rose, brilliant as the moon in full
And sank in the burrows of my keep

And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep

He goes along just as a water lily
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
Unweighted down by passion or intensity
Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts
And he finds a home in me
For what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap

And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep
All my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep

-Fiona Apple, Pale September

slow down and wake up

"But how real is stress? There are obviously traumatic events that can introduce severe stress into people's lives. But the meaning of stress, a word once applied to extreme, relatively rare situations, has been inflated to apply to just about everything that happens. Indeed, stress, say some experts, is largely a matter of perception and attitude. The word 'stress,' it turns out, generally has no more medical meaning than the phrase 'life is not perfect.' It is a word meant to convey a highly subjective psychological condition, which in turn is meant to life the burden of responsibility for the quality of our thinking and decisions from our shoulders...
...the stress epidemic is having a profound effect on the ability of people to think and reason. 'Critical thinking has dropped totally off the map for many people,' Sheperd says. Stress seems to work in a twofold way to short-circuit thinking. First, the overuse of the catchall term 'stress' prevents many people from employing precise language to assess their situations...and adopting a constructive plan to deal with it...The word and concept of stress inclines people to wash over and rant, rather than analyze and pinpoint the problem. Second, the widespread acceptance of the notion that there is a massive amount of stress in society creates a feeling of melancholic or angry resignation toward life. The goal becomes to 'manage stress,' which reinforces the belief that the power in life lies in events, not people, Sheperd claims.

We have a society where many, if not most people do not accept responsibility for their own lives. I am not just speaking of those who want to blame their parents or society because they have turned to a life of crime. I am referring to those who blame everyone and everything for the way they feel and behave in life.

...'The problem is, now stress is everything. In reality there really isn't stress, there are only good situations and bad situations. People that think in certain ways get through the bad situations better.' In an article published in the Economist, Howard Goldman of the University of Maryland School of Medicine expresses even less sympathy, suggesting much of stress is perception: 'Every generation thinks it's more stressed out and souped up than the rest.'
...The challenge is to liberate ourselves from this mass hypnosis and reclaim our curiosity, our thirst for knowledge, as opposed to pure emotion, and the full powers of our critical thinking - the best stress buster there is."
-Michael R LeGault, Th!nk

...And in the end, most of us are creating our own hells...the choice is yours to put yourself in certain situations, and not only that, the choice is yours in how you approach and handle them. Step back and out of yourself and you will likely see that you are creating your own busy world to give yourself more self-importance and/or because you are running from something, keeping yourself busy to avoid thinking about who and where you are, and all the many things you have to slow your life down to appreciate.

When the world was young

Did you stand and listen

When the world was young

In your heart

When the world was young

Did you stand there with it

When the world was young

in your heart

Where we running

where we running

where we running to?

Why we running

why we running

why we running through?
-'When the World was Young'

we jammin'

There are those who get it and those who never will.
There are also those who have the potential to understand.

Really, it doesn't matter because when it happens, I feel like the only person there anyway...it feels so personal and deeply meditative that I don't really care who else is getting it or not, though there is a powerful bond when you know someone else felt it possibly as intensely as you. In the end, how they feel it and what they do with it is different anyway, and its such an internally moving experience that if I'm the only one getting it, well then hey, that just makes it all the more powerful.

What I'm talking about is a ridiculous jam: harmonic layering, dynamic building, escalating evolution of a song played live in all its improvisational and instrumental chemistry induced glory. It can be described as "mind blowing", or an "out of body" experience, usually results in head shaking, wide eyed disbelief. And often, though of course the first time is always the most powerful, the awe never wears off no matter how often the recording is listened to.

Bands I've heard do it best? The Grateful Dead, Railroad Earth, Phish, Dave Matthews Band (i have to admit), Bela Fleck and The Flecktones, the Waybacks, Oysterhead, New Monsoon, Keller Williams, Umphrey's McGee, and Widespread Panic. I'm sure all my musically educated readers could add generously to this list. The talent of these musicians and the pure chemistry that exists between them to communicate between each other musically and creatively is nothing short of awesome beauty.

There are people who can't even listen to jams, because, much like jazz, they don't get the often less structured approach. That in itself is much of what makes it great...it feels like the band is just jiving on the same wavelength, they are letting the MUSIC dictate the direction. Many times the songs end up being very long, and a lot of people lack the patience, are used to happy radio songs that are sped up to squeeze into four minute spots leaving room for the ads and the crappy talk that pollute the airwaves. The song may take a while to heat up...that is all part of it, whether being done intentionally or unintentionally by the band, to add to the trance, to fold you into the music, to build the suspense...and people don't understand how patience will be rewarded but more importantly...enjoy the evolution, let yourself feel the pulse in your body, let the music flow through and around you, and it will change your experience. Most importantly, drop expectation! Don't sit there trying to figure it all out, waiting for the big moment or for the band to bust out, just be it and feel it, and let IT be what it is. Let it be a wonderful surprise!

The bottom line is that it feels spontaneous, it doesn't feel rehearsed or predictable, is an EXPERIENCE to behold, and, for me, anyway, is a suitable soundtrack to musically define the free feeling I enjoy and cultivate as the backbone of my life's meaning.

off to some double banjo bonanzaing :)

*disbelief*

Johnny Grubb owns my soul
and Timmy proceeds to free it

(just click it...its Seven Story Mountain from the 2.1.08 Mexicali Show I was at)

beautiful dylan tune...

My back pages

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
Well meet on edges, soon, said i
Proud neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
Rip down all hate, I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
Im younger than that now.

Girls faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
Im younger than that now.

A self-ordained professors tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
Equality, I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
Im younger than that now.

In a soldiers stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that Id become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My existence led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
Im younger than that now.

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
Im younger than that now.

valentine love

People have it ALL wrong today:
I heard: "On Valentines Day people in relationships celebrate love, and single people celebrate independence"

in a good relationship...you celebrate both, and every day!!

I read: "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence"- HL Mencken

for me, Love is the culmination of both equally and the beauty of each enhancing the other in cyclical fashion!!!

you can do it too! advanced simplicty!

bliss and sunshine

another valentine this morning?

the sun...
regaining its rightful place
slowly but surely
in the sky
in my morning routine
its baa-aack!

...the sun through my window says open your eyes again...
-the day is alive

my valentine heart strings

heartstrings
...bow...
.pluck.
~strum~
:tap:
mine

mandolin melts me
dobro endears me
banjo's a charmer
fiddle finds me
guitar gets a smile
double bass? double love.

i heart strings
my heart strings
are strings
the harmonics ring out
my pulse
my heart beats
to the beat
of the song
to the song
:
my heart beats
for music

There’s nothing in the world i'd rather do
than to strum these strings and tap these shoes
Let the world spin around around so peacefully
Bangin’ out a melody, bangin’ out a melody
-From Good Homes

Crazy Coincidental Moments

Wow
wow
wow
wow

So I'm at work listening to the Railroad Earth Knitting Factory show from 2004 on my
IPOD when I decide to tune into HomeGrown Radio stream for the first time ever. I switch the speaker wire back to my computer to stream the station and hear them
playing the same song (not the same show but still!)...'Just So You Know'...

After repeatedly checking my IPOD to make sure the speaker wire was really disconnected, I became short of breath and I'm still shaking! Especially since this
song seems to be less played than a lot of the others that could have
been on...

Powerful coincidental moment for me, especially since my passion for
RRE and Todd has intensified over the last week with some recent
downloading frenzy!

So I email the HomeGrown radio DJ to share my crazy moment and we start going back and forth about songs and shows and the Earthboard (RRE discussion board on Yahoo)...

The DJ, Jeff, then says "Shout out to Cara, a big Railroad Earth fan" and proceeds to indulge my requests...

He also played I am a Mess, not by request, which is crazy because I can't get enough of that song lately after hearing it for the first time at Mexicali on Feb 1st...

*shaking head in disbelief*

Then he played me one of the best Butterfly and the Tree versions I've heard, of course from a show dated June 30th (significant date in my life) from Mexicali Blues!
Then, he also played my request for Goat!

ps Oh! and it gets better! Check this out: I didn't even know/see this.
This is the DJ I was speaking with, his post on the Earthboard...:
"This is to let you know that I'll be on for an additional hour again
tomorrow Wed. 2/13.
11:00 AM - 3:15 PM.
I'll be playing RRE during the 2:00 hour.
I hope you enjoy the music if you are able to tune in."
So he isn't even normally on during that time!!! So freakin' coincidental!

vision, not blueprint

The Good Life

they got tired of livin’ in an apple goin’ black
went up the mad river valley & they never looked back
way up the mountain over campbell ridge
up an old loggin’ road . . ‘cross an old mill bridge

they built a little house out of stone they found
put their backs to the plow . . put their seeds in the ground
water from the spring runnin’ plenty & good
from a hardwood forest . . choppin’ fire from the wood

oh . . they’re livin’ the good life
oh . . they’re livin’ the good life

they got bread in the oven, got books on the shelf
they’re lookin’ deep into each others’ eyes & deep into themselves
pursuin’ ideals with grace & style
& they’re makin’ ends meet with their huckleberry guile

oh . . they’re livin’ the good life
oh . . they’re livin’ the good life

way up the mountain over campbell ridge
up an old loggin’ road . . ‘cross an old mill bridge
they built a little house out of stone they found
put their backs to the plow and their seeds in the ground
they’ve got the power of the sun . . the strength of the soil
they’re findin’ peace in their hearts & faith in their toil

oh . . they’re livin’ the good life
oh . . they’re livin’ the good life
oh . . they’re livin’ the good life

'neath the stars

"I saw then that my sense of me being me was exactly the same thing as my sensation of being one with the whole cosmos. I did not need to have some sort of different, odd kind of experience to feel in total connection with everything. Once you get the clue you see that the sense of unity is inseparable from the sense of difference. You would not know yourself, or what you meant by self, unless at the same time you had the feeling of other.
Now the secret is that the other eventually turns out to be you. The element of surprise in life is when suddenly you find the thing most alien turns out to be yourself. Go out at night and look at the stars and realize that they are millions and billions of miles away, vast conflagrations far out in space. You can lie back and look at that and say "Well, surely I hardly matter. I am just a tiny little speck aboard this weird spotted bit of dust called earth....

this guy knows what we're talking about

..and all that was going on out there billions of years before I was born and will still be going on billions of years after I die." Nothing seems stranger to you than that, or more different from you, yet there comes a point, if you watch long enough, when you will say "Why that's me!" It is the other that is the condition of your being yourself, as the back is the condition of being the front, and when you know that, you will never die."
-Alan Watts, Eastern Wisdom, Modern Life

why not change our names? some things we won't recognize . .
some will remain the same
some people roll a stone . .
find out they were never really even in their home

underneath the stars there are a million ways to be the way you are . .
all of them dying
underneath the rays there'll be a million ways to live the days ahead . .
why are we crying?

there were words . . on my skin . .
you touched them & they woke again . . now they're on the wind . .
-railroad earth, 'neath the stars

and yet...sometimes? ...you can still find yourself completely disconnected and completely, completely alone, in the most beautiful sense.

seven stories

7 Story Mountain

oh lord, to see a light
but fail in strength to follow
. . sometimes it's hard to let it go

oh lord, to fail in heart
and each day grow more hollow
. . . sometimes i just don't wanna know

but the road that led me here
is begun to disappear
sometimes i wonder where i am

oh lord, to hear a voice
but let it fade & wallow
. . . sometimes it's hard to let it go

oh lord, to find the words
but keep them in & swallow
. . . one day the top is gonna blow

but the road that left me here
is begun to disappear
sometimes i wonder who i am

oh lord, to stumble blind
for years without knowing
. . . sunrise has burned my eyes again

oh lord, to crumble quiet
watching from the silence
. . . sunrise has burned my eyes again

it's a Seven-Story-Mountain
it's a long-long -life we live
gotta find a light & fill my heart again

it's a Seven-Story -Mountain
it's a long-long-life ahead
gonna find a voice & fill my throat again

sick sick sick

victor...
for crying out freakin out
more fleck

beatboxing flautist:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfrKqFp0Zg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59ZX5qdIEB0

stanley alien jordan
somewhere over ... in another planet
riiiiiiiight, sure, two guitars
eleanor ridiculously

quiz

how big is YOUR foot?

and then it happened...

"To be alone is the only real revolution.
To accept that you are alone is the greatest transformation that can happen to you."
-Osho

radio on...

i was once in love with her
i swore that it would last
could not stand to hang around
when i saw that it was past

i turned my radio on
packed the car with all i owned
drove into the long dark night
said i don't know where i'm going
don't know what i'm doing
but i know i'm not going back

i got friends still hanging round
wondering what they're gunna do
they're still in the old college town
drinkin' in the old bar room

with the video on
spendin' everything they own
drinkin' in the long dark night
well i dont know where i'm going
don't know what i'm doing
but i know i'm not going back

i have a friend
who moved to california
he says i wouldn't call it home
i have a friend who moved to boston
she says i wouldn't call it home
i've been five years
in new york city
but i would not call it home

i got my radio on
cussin' everything i own
dreamin' in the long dark night
i got the radio on

-From Good Homes

where songs begin...

I'm in love...more to come...

Where Songs Begin
Todd Sheaffer

Here we are, the place where songs begin.
Reaching out, finding what’s within.

Finding the way back again to the place where the songs begin.
Finding the way back again to the song that never ends.

Here I am, ten years down the road.
with all I’ve learned, still I just don’t know.

Salmon song, a journey just to die.
I’ve lost my fear, diving to the waves.

Mystery, feelings unexplained.
Patience, patience let the moment lead.
Listen, listen take a breath and breathe.
Faith and trust, the place where songs begin.

~finding these lyrics was a crazy moment for me...i was looking for 'dream of love' lyrics and HAD earlier been looking for 'where songs begin'...i googled for dream of love lyrics and right above them where the 'where songs begin' lyrics in this blog!!

learning...

"...we must admit that learning plays an integral role in our daily lives. A life without learning is a life groping in the dark. At the same time, learning divorced from life is a empty theory. We must check our knowledge against our own experience, especially if we ourselves are not the source of the knowledge. Somewhere we must make the intuitive leap, shifting our eyes from scant details of immediate familiarity to a more comprehensive picture. It is doubtful how much actual learning could take place through mere restructuring of what we already know. Learning always implies an element of new experience. Other our mental activities are bounded by the limits of memory, never to exceed them. We must keep ourselves open to new explanations and new experience if we are truly to live and learn...
...This is perhaps the greatest paradox: We must relive our experience under changing circumstances in order to really know we have grasped the constant truth of it; we must reexperience things differently to fully fathom why they always happen the same way."
-Makiguchi, Education for Creative Living

"Everyday Osho" indeed.

Osho's wisdom on some of the things in the discussion rotation as of late, some with which I agree, and some which pose further questions...

"Stay open to a change in your own learnings, beliefs, and knowledge:"
"Amateurs and Experts:
...It always happens that when you start new work, you are very creative, you are deeply involved, your whole being is in it. Then by and by, as you become acquainted with the territory, rather than being inventive and creative you start being repetitive. This is natural, because the more skilled you become in any work, the more repetitive you become...
So all great discoveries are made by amateurs, because a skilled person has too much at stake. If something new happens, what will happen to the old skill? The person has learned for years and now has become an expert. So experts never discover anything; they never go beyond the limit of their expertise...
Here is the lesson: It is good to attain skill, but it is not good to settle with it forever. Whenever the feeling arises in you that now the thing is looking stale, change it. Invent something, add something new, delete something old. Again be free from the pattern...again become an amateur. It needs courage and guts, to become an amateur again, but that's how life becomes beautiful."

~all i take from this is the importance of anti-stagnation, and the awareness that you never stop learning, and should never assume you've got it all figured out...
On a more literal level, I think it is unfortunately true that experts don't use their expertise to the full extent and to benefit most from it. Luckily, some always remain inventive, creative, and passionate by retaining their appreciation for attainment of knowledge and the everchanging property of information.

"Changing the World
You are your world, so when you change your attitude you change the very world in which you exist. We cannot change the world--that's what politicians have been trying to do down through the ages, and they have utterly failed...
The only way to change the world is to change your vision, and suddenly you will live in a different world."

~this speaks to both the conversations of having control over your misery if you change your perspective and priorities as well as it does the idea that changing the world happens through change in individual minds.

"The Unplanned Life
There is no planning in existence. An unplanned life has tremendous beauty, because there is always some surprise waiting in the future.
The future is not going to be a repetition; something new is always happening, and one can never take it for granted.
Secure people life a bourgeois life. A bourgeois life means getting up at seven-thirty, taking your breakfast at eight, at eight-thirty catching the train to the town, returning home at five-thirty, taking your tea, reading your newspaper, watching TV, having supper, making love to your partner without any love, and going to bed. Again the same thing starts the next day. Everything is settled, and there is no surprise: The future will be nothing but the past repeated again and again. Naturally there is no fear. You have done these things so many times that you have become skillful. You can do them again.
With the new comes fear, because one never knows whether one will be able to do it. One is doing always for the first time, so one is always shaky, uncertain about whether one is going to make it or not. But in that very thrill, in that adventure, is life-- aliveness, let us say, rather than life, because life has also become a dull and dead word-- aliveness, the flow."

"Failure
If you feel frustrated, it is because of the mental goal you have imposed on life. By the time you have reached your goal, life has left it; just a dead shell of the ideals and the goals remain, and you are frustrated again. The frustration is created by you.
Once you understand that life is never going to be confined to a goal, goal oriented, then you flow in all directions with no fear. Because there is no failure, there is no success either -- and then there is no frustration. Then each moment becomes a moment in itself; not that it is leading somewhere, not that it has to be used as a means to some end -- it has intrinsic value..."

~simply the idea that people set up plans and blueprints in their lives, and for what? to simply create unneeded self importance and likely, eventual frustration when these goals are not met. I'm sure someone has said to you "What's your five year plan?" "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Me personally? I may have some abstract vision of what it may be like, but stay detached from the outcome, because in all truthfulness, I don't know and don't WANT to know exactly how my life will play out. I'll figure it out when I get there, because I'm too busy enjoying today right now tout de suite!

questions, answers, existence: for discussion

"There is no answer. There are only two ways for the mind to be: full of questions and empty of questions.

Maturity is coming to a point where you can live without answers; that is what maturity is. And to live without answers is the greatest and most courageous act. Then you are no longer a child. A child goes on asking questions, wanting answers for everything. A child believes that if he can formulate a question, there must be an answer, there must be somebody to supply the answer.
...You think that because you can formulate a question, there is bound to be an answer; maybe you don't know it, but somebody must know the answer, and some day, you will be able to discover it. That's not so. All questions are man-created, manufactured by man.
Existence has no answer. Existence is there, with no answers, completely silent. If you can drop all questions, a communication happens between you and existence. The moment you drop questions, you drop philosophy, you drop theology, you drop logic, and you start living. You become existential. When there are no questions, that state itself is the answer."
-Osho, Everyday Osho

my morning sun

the clouds' persistance pervades
the fog a stubborn standstill
but the window is ajar
it's a warm damp
and the crows caw
like they are
spilling spring's secret
it's hiding
under its covers
groggy
unwilling to awake
no use is your impatience
time will always
act on its own terms
and no need really
for me
i turn my back on the windows
curl back
upunder
the covers
and watch my sun rise

A collaboration: So may it secretly begin...a story within a story.

What do you want?
Travels
It's for you!
-Are we there yet?-
Don't wait!

fear and trembling
have you heard?
better days ahead: the good life

are you going with me into the dream? follow me
memory:
every summer night
down here on the ground

naked moon
secret beach
have you heard the sound of water

towards the light, never too far away
and then i knew, understanding
a change in circumstance

he's gone away, home, oasis
if i could
i will find the way
the road to you
not to be forgotten
on her way
always and forever

proof:
When we were free, the truth will always be.
Alone. Discovery. Acceptance.

(all song titles thanks to Pat Metheny)

balance

"When feeling balanced, one is free.
In that very balance is freedom, in that very balance is equilibrium, tranquility, silence.

When the head is too much...it does not allow anything that is not profitable to exist. And all joy is profitless, all joy is just playfulness; it has no purpose. Love is play, it has no purpose; so is dance, so is beauty. All that is significant to the heart is meaningless to reason.

So in the beginning one has to put much investment into the heart so the balance is achieved. One has almost to lean too much toward the heart. One has to go to the other extreme to create the balance. By and by one comes into the middle, but first one has to go to the other extreme, because reason has dominated too much."
-Osho, Everyday Osho

6 Word Motto for the USA....

United States: I Just Live Here

click link for more! humorous? depressing? shocking?
all depends on where you are coming from, but certainly a worthy read...

choose

Dear (youknowwhoyouare),
I hope you read this, and the entry before this...

"Generally people are not even that fortunate. Their whole life passes and the sun never rises, the morning never comes in their lives...
Life is a vast treasure trove, but we do nothing with it except waste it, lose it, squander it. Even before knowing what life is, we have discarded it. Life is dissipated without experiencing what was hidden in it - what secret, what mystery, what paradise, what bliss, what liberation...
I want to say a few things about the treasures of life. But it is very difficult for those who have already taken them to be pebbles to open their eyes and see that they are diamonds...But no matter how much treasure has been lost, if even a single moment of life remains, something can be salvaged. Something can still be known...it is never so late that one has to feel despair...
The first thing: We have created such viewpoints about life, we have established such ideas about life, we have raised such philosophies about life that we are deprived of seeing the truth of life. We have already concluded what life is...without any realization of our own. We have understood only some predecided, preconceived idea about life...we have been taught only one thing repeatedly...:life is meaningless, life is futile, life is a suffering, life is only worth renouncing...Because of this, life has begun to be a suffering and to seem futile. Because of this, life has lost all joy, all love, all beauty...
If you have accepted that life is ugly, why would you search for beauty in it?...what sense remains in trying to decorate it, in trying to cleanse it and refine it, to beautify it?...
...And the point is not only that we could have beautified where we were staying, that we could have created a loving milieu, that we could have sung a song of joy where we were staying. The point is that the one who sings a song of joy has opened the possibility for more joy in himself. The one who beautifies the house has attained the capacity for finding greater beauty...
We are formed by what we do...What we are doing in life decides the directions our soul will travel, the paths it will move on, the new worlds it will explore...
how you experience life depends on how you look at it. If life seems to be dark and miserable it is because of your wrong way in living it. This very life can become a shower of blissfulness if only you know the right way to live it."
-osho

"We can't cure the world of sorrows but we can choose to live in joy"
-Joseph Campbell

the way...

people spend their lives consumed by the "next step," the future, their blueprint for how their life is supposed to go or was supposed to be...I only ask, for what?

..."I felt numb as I said farewell to my team in Arizona and boarded a jet, heading back to Berkeley, and Socrates...I looked aimlessly at the clouds below, drained of ambition. All these years I had been sustained by an illusion - happiness through victory - and now that illusion was burned to ashes. I was no happier, no more fulfilled, for all my achievements.
Finally I saw through the clouds. I saw that I had never learned how to enjoy life, only how to achieve. All my life I had been busy seeking happiness, not finding it...
'Wake up! If you knew for certain that you had a terminal illness - if you had little time left to live - you would waste precious little of it! Well, I'm telling you, Dan - you DO have a terminal illness: It's called birth. You don't have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason - or you will never be at all...'
...be content with this knowledge: There is no need to search; achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all, so just be happy now! Love is the only reality of the world, because it is all One, you see. And the only laws are paradox, humor, and change. There is no problem, never was, and never will be. Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns, and relax into the world. No need to resist life; just do your best. Open your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe; you are yourself and everyone else, too!...Wake up, regain your humor. Don't worry, you are already free!"

Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

my request, woohoo

the butterfly and the tree.
Lyrics - Todd Sheaffer

we were in a field a mile from nowhere
the sun up high
in a field, the grass was flowin’
she looked me in they eye

hey, she said, I’ve a fantasy
I’ll paint you & you paint me
ooh, I said, what shall we be?
she said, I’ll be a butterfly
you’ll be a tree

green & blue & red & yellow
the colors dried
I looked at her, she looked at me
we laughed into the sky

ooh, she said, look & see!
I am a butterfly, you are a tree
yes, I said, I agree
you are a butterfly
I am a tree

create a day up on a mountain
the world below
time was easy, time was lazy
movin’ nice & slow
bird flyin’ off into the blue
troubles far away
sweet you were my lovely, lovely
on that perfect day

ooh, she said, I feel so free
I am a butterfly, you are a tree
yes, I said, and a lucky tree
of all of the forest
you land on me

(do you love me
baby I love you
when you love me
the way that you do)

Railroad Earth at Mexicali Blues

magi-cally mexi-cali once again...

nothing less than a spiritual experience,
my heart ripped out
painted on beautifully
and put back in
to restore rejuvenate revitalize and remind me
what this is all
all about


Mexicali Blues
February 1st, 2008

Set I:

Peggy o
Magic foot
Luxury liner
Came up smilin
Bowling Green
Any road
Good life
Mess (out of body experience)

Set II:

Peace on Earth
Seven Story Mountain (epic)
Sing for me
Mission Man
Walk on by
Butterfly and the Tree (played literally from MY request!!)
Crossing the Gap

Encore:

For Love
Ragtime Annie Lee (quite possibly FASTER this time!)